BPDFamily.com

Back again. This time the school referred me for not engaging with them, and declining therapy for my kids.

Thing is... .I have asked for meetings with them, but they haven't replied to me. And they haven't discussed therapy with me.

Unfortunately I can't help thinking my ex is involved.

Yet again feel like I'm in an alternative reality.

I think you mentioned that you complained because the school had been holding therapy sessions without your consent? That may be where this is coming from.

How can you be more active in taking control of this situation?

I think it is also motivated by the school being caught out counterfeiting Pokemon cards, which were given to every pupil. When I raised it with them they admitted in writing to having done it. Claiming it was OK to do it as they are a school. A claim that is not supported government guidance re copyright and schools.

Plus I have already raised a complaint about them lying in writing to CPS about me earlier this year. No response to this 3 months later.

This isn't the first set of false allegations from the school, who had to apologise in writing once before for falsely accusing me of upsetting my daughter when I collected her from school. She was in fact upset already, something they had to apologise for.

I have advised CPS that the school have been dishonest. I have also complained to the person who oversees CPS activities locally by email, and within 5 minutes they emailed that they would consider the matters I raised.

I suspect my ex is behind this in someway. CPS told me that my ex had referred my daughter to children's mental health services. I wasn't aware of this, nor was I consulted .

This sent me quite low again. As I am waiting hear what cps will do. Fortunately my girlfriend of 6 months has been really supportive. I was worried what impact this would have on our relationship. I realise that this just brings up the feelings from past traumas.

I worry that my ex may be vindictive as she is aware that kids and I are going away for a weekend with my girlfriend and her son. Although our kids don't know anything about our relationship, and have met prior to the relationship... .my ex is likely to put 2+2 together.

So, drama triangle between you, the school, and CPS. Do you want to fight (or "be right" or do you have some other goal? Is any of this going to help you or your kid?

I worry that their false allegations and dishonesty will continue whether I fight or not.  I want my kids to be OK. I don't want anything to damage my relationship with them. Any suggestions?

Plus, I worry that if I don't make a stand, the lies will become "fact" and used against me later.

Update: CPS have not accepted the school's referral.

I have booked an appointment with my lawyer regarding their false allegation.

Another avenue of response - file complaints against their teaching licenses with the state's board that oversees issuing and maintaining licenses.  Research the licensing regulations, standards of ethics and behaviors, find rules they have broken, put together the docuumentation.  Then the complaint reads "so and so violated reg. X.x.x by <describe activity>.  See attachment 1 (which is the documentation that proves it)."

they can be fined or have their licenses pulled. 

i think you're right to stand up to them and fight their allegations.  they're playing the role of flying monkeys and generating official documentation that can be used against you later.  you need to refute those allegations officially, and since they keep on doing this to you, the only thing that will make them stop is if they get hit with consequences for their misconduct.

To what extent is the school copying game cards an issue impacting you or the children?  Is this solely to weaken their credibility?  Unless I'm mistaken, whether such copying is improper or not, you may want to avoid being perceived as a "pain in the... .", a fly in their in their oiled wheels of operation.  Focus on what is best for the children, not side issues.  The school may be more willing to work with you if you leave other stuff alone?

I agree, the cards are a side issue.

The main problem is their willingness to make false allegations, and not for the first time. They have previously given a written apology for making a false allegation. They called me at work asking me why I had upset my daughter when I collected her from school the day earlier.  In fact she was upset before I collected her, something they admitted and apologised for. At the time I had asked her teacher what upset her, and how long she had been upset.

The biggest problem is a rather long track record of dishonesty.  I have seen their report for CPS last time, and it is dishonest. My lawyer felt it was a malicious attempt to damage my relationship with my kids.

I feel damned if I try to address this pattern of dishonesty, and damned if I don't. Given the past history (almost 3 years), my prediction is further false allegations and dishonesty.  

It would appear that you are documenting most of these things and have gotten apologies in the past.  Many times my advice is "document and wait" to see how people or agencies play things out. 

Have you ever had a meeting with the principal?

I'm wondering if it would be a good idea to have a meeting to meet face to face and express that you understand they have your child's best interests at heart (please give them the benefit of the doubt) and express that you do to.  Acknowledge they are in a difficult position and that you are two.

Leave the question hanging out there... .What can we do to "come together" for the benefit of my child, without reports to CPS that go nowhere and the associated bad feelings everyone has going through the apology process.

Said another way... .can you be proactive to improve the relationship with the school?

It does seem very odd that a report would be made of "upsetting your child".  That seems very vague.  Children get upset at the weirdest things.

Hang in there!

FF