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Im off to work in a minute but wanted to share an article I read on the Elephant Journal's website titled "why we struggle so much to let go of certain people".  It was what I need to read!  I have been struggling with the letting go part and when I read that I do not need to let go of the love I felt for my pwBPD, it was wonderful.  We all have our own paths in life, what I did not realize, was that I was wanting someone to walk my path with me to the end.  That is not the way it works and I was just shown this through meditation.  Our paths intersect with all kinds of people, I am actually not alone but it is my path to walk alone.  I was also shown that I am able to travel back along that path and in a way forward on that path.  Walking back I was able to see past relationships in a new light, a non judgmental light, with a thankful heart for ALL of the people who have come and gone.  ALL who have touched me deeply, All who have hurt me, ALL of the loves that I thought I lost.  They are ALL still there with old lessons and new lessons.  Mostly the lesson for me is acceptance and forgiveness.  Many more people will intersect along my path, but I must realize that it is still solely my path.  I do have a hard time opening my heart to most people  but what I know know is that I do not have to let go of that love, I do not own love or another human.  I accept my expwBPD, she has a different path to walk then mine.  She has changed my life for the better and I will be forever grateful to her for that.  Yes, my heart still hurts that I can't have the long healthy relationship with her that I wanted.  Her path is a difficult path and if there was a way that I could magically remove some of the thorn bushes that have overtaken it, I would. 

Cheers!

Hi PaticAttack, Wow! What a beautifully written post! I hope a lot of people see it. I have always sort of been this way with past relationships, but I don't think I've articulated it so clearly and with such simple beauty. I think this is incredibly enlightened and very comforting. I am going to save a copy to reread! :) Thank you for sharing this!

I'm more pulled towards buddhism, but my partner is Muslim and he lives by the notion of being grateful for all that God gives him - the good and the bad. He accepts it all without judgement. It is pretty impressive actually. I think that is why he was able to survive his past really difficult relationship experience. Of course, I don't want to pretend, he also took a lot from that past out on me and that is why I am here, but you know what... .your post reminds me to be grateful even for that - for my own chance to learn and be a better person even in the face of such BIG challenges. :)

wishing you peace!

Thank you pear!  It was a wonderful vision, to bad I'm on a damn emotional rollercoaster. It's very hard to keep the positive in mind. And of course, when I feel positive, I try reaching out only to get my hand slapped. Ugh!

hi PaticAttack,

i want to echo pearlsw that this is an inspiring post, and i think at four months out, its a remarkable attitude. these are hard lessons; excruciating.  ive seen a lot of recoveries, and i would say that bitterness is once of the biggest hindrances. to let go of that will take you far.