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Title: True Love or Infatuation? Post by: CookieMonster80 on October 18, 2017, 12:55:56 PM My gf of three years, whom is diagnosed with BPD and takes Zoloft, and I broke up three weeks ago due to her spending all of her time with her friends and claiming she had a "crush" on another girl she works with. Four days after we broke up, she ended up sleeping with this girl. The following day she called me and claimed it was the biggest mistake of her life and that she loves me so much and wants to work on things with me. She claims that she slept with her because she was feeling vulnerable and lonely, so she was looking for a way to fill the void. She was completely honest about the whole scenario and has said multiple times that she does not see her coworker in a romantic way anymore. Over the course of the three weeks we have taken time to figure ourselves out and what we really want. We both came to the realization that we want things to work and have gradually been talking. With that being said, we met last night for the first time since everything happened. We talked about everything that happened, came up with a solution as to how to fix the problems we had prior to breaking up, and ended the night on a positive note. Conversation was natural and it felt like we were on a first date, both nervous because everything felt so new. My only concern is how much do I trust her and is the love really there. While she has been completely honest with me about everything, I am worried that I am just a placeholder until she finds someone new. I have read many articles about those with BPD moving on very fast and being unable to truly love someone, instead it is just obsession and infatuation. I know I truly love her and I want things to work out, so any advice on this would be greatly appreciated.
Title: Re: True Love or Infatuation? Post by: pearlsw on October 18, 2017, 03:54:37 PM Hi CookieMonster80,
Welcome to the Family! :) Sorry to hear you are feeling insecure about your relationship. I have had relationships with people with BPD traits and people who did not have them and I can tell you this: there are no guarantees in relationships. All the hopes and dreams of forever may or may not happen, and that is okay. :) But you can do a lot to improve your chances for a healthier relationship by studying the information on this site and doing your best on your side of the relationship. That alone is huge and can help you stay grounded whatever relationship storms may hit! :) Have you seen the Basic Tools and Lessons to the right of the board yet? https://bpdfamily.com/content/triggering-and-mindfulness-and-wise-mind https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=56206.msg913187#msg913187 I review various pieces of info. here on a daily basis, over and over, because I want these skills ingrained in me and for my behavior to be the best it can be and then the chips can fall where they do with my relationship. Those are just my two cents... .I hope others will also share their thoughts. :) |