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When we separated, mine acted relatively accommodating and seemed to respect that this was hard on me too. I was hopeful that this might be not too bad.

We met with relatives present about a month into it, and it was mixed. I was glad that his relatives saw the dark side like I have.

A few weeks later we separated the finances and signed an informal separation agreement, and it was the same. There were some flashes of yet deeper vindictiveness that I found disturbing, but he backed off when I objected.

The undercurrent continued, and there was a crises where he wanted a complete renegotiation of the informal separation agreement to be better for him and worse for me. I have been a work-at-home mom for twenty years and am not fully financially independent. I cannot support myself and our two college kids on just what I make long-term. I have no benefits, and as someone working on time-limited contracts, I don't get unemployment if the contract ends or is terminated because I can't work for some reason.

I refused to renegotiate the separation agreement, and he said he would be filing for divorce, which he actually can't yet because we have a minor at home.

His relatives intervened and talked him down, but you can imagine my feelings now. No way is he going to stick to that separation agreement long-term.

So I learned that when it starts going bad, it isn't going to get better. You have to plan for the worst in a failed relationship if there are financial issues involved. I updated my resume and started applying for jobs with benefits and am optimistic that I should have something by summer, if not sooner. I'm trying to get something that is worthwhile with good benefits, although I do have options that will get us by if I have to go that way. One of my college kids has offered to work full-time as well, but I'd like to see him finish his degree of course. He's already paying for part of his college expenses with part-time work.

In many ways, I should have started this immediately after separation, but now I know I have to assume the worst.

Maybe what you also learned is that when the going gets tough, the tough get going.  It sounds to me like you are facing the reality that you may have to stand, at least in the short term, on your own two feet and are taking decisive positive actions to enable that.  Congratulate yourself on not hiding from this and instead finding the grit inside of yourself to take the reins on this.  I wish you the very best of luck with your applications.  Perhaps something will come of this that you didn't expect which may prove to be a life enhancing experience.  Stranger things have happened.

Love and light x