BPDFamily.com

It's been a difficult time. I wish I could get some help or therapy. My Wife has traits of BPD and it's been agonizing being with her. She explodes about once every two months and now uses our child as a pond to inflict pain on me, which psychologically hurts our child.

I need suggestions on therapists who work with the spouses of BPDs.

Thanks

Welcome MrManhatten,

Sorry to hear that you have been struggling in your relationship. Sadly we do not have a list of counselors available. I would suggest that you call around to local mental health providers and ask for references to a counselor who work with patients with a spouse with a personality disorder.

Until then we have a lot of resources available on the right side of the screen. When your wife begins to explode, how do you respond?

In the past, I would engage the outbursts by trying to comfort or arguing back. None of that works. Especially anything that has emotions and energy. And certainly not anything with reason or logic.

Now I try Active Listening... .which is helpful if I can catch the outbursts before it happens.

Or I just leave. Leaving may produce bigger outburst but it is less painful. I return when she has calmed down and is more rational.

But this doesn't always work because when I try to leave, she will sometimes attack me violently and attempt to stop be by holding me back physically or attacking me with objects like glass or knives.

MrManhattan, it's never permissible to tolerate abuse.  pwBPD need boundaries.

You might want to check out some relationship advice on this other forum here.  There might some articles to help with your communication.

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?board=36.0