BPDFamily.com

its been a year since break up from dBPDex, no in person contact.  Very limited text/phone decreasing to absolutely none the last two months. the freedom that is emerging is opening my mind to a lot of ideas that are helping me move forward without forgetting some lessons I should take away.

I was working with my therapist talking about the occasional text i get from ex- asking me to take him back, etc.  these, i completely ignore without batting an eye.  Quite the transformation: I went from, shortly after the break up, having to fight myself so hard NOT to text him back.  Now, i see a  message pop up, and i can't bring myself to even THINK of what I would say.  I have no words for this person anymore.

If there was one last thing I would say to my BPD, if i somehow get an old urge that I cannot contain, I thought of exactly how to put it in a tidy little phrase. I think it describes my, and many members here, experiences with the break up:

"You dragged me out of YOUR life, kicking and screaming."

I never dumped him after the cheating, the abuse, I always held on tight.  :)espite his words, his actions kept saying "GTFO of my life."  When his actions matched his words- loving gestures, sexual bonding, it was usually A) immediately after (or shortly before) some type of meltdown or B) somewhat transactional and conditional upon fulfilling a temporary desire or want.

My dBPDex has done this with almost every relationship- big and small.  he depletes people. he takes and takes and takes and either through some big blowout fight or a slow, disintegrating detachment, these people leave him.  

Former friends would always say the same things to me about him "He's so nice/sweet/kind/fun but all he ever does is bum weed/money/drinks/spare bedrooms off me, and its become too much!" (same theme with emotional taking- people complaining he leans on them too much but is never there to listen, authentically, and help them). These people, in smaller ways than me, wanted to have him as a friend, wanted to keep him around, gave him clear instructions on what boundaries he was breaking and could no longer cross, or else.  and of course, he did it anyway.  

He dragged them out of his life, kicking and screaming.

the more I repeat that phrase, the more of those dark memories i can file under this newfound logic.  And this slow release of responsibility for what he did (i ALWAYS felt SO responsible for him and his actions and our relationship's health) is very very liberating.  I dont feel this ownership over all the terrible things that happened, at least not at all like i used to.  

so I hope if anyone reads this and gets even the smallest relief- just keep remembering- they pushed you away.  You put up with more than any sane person would, and it was not enough, because it never can be.

That is a great quote... .thanks for sharing.

Here is another one that I find appropriate:

"You gave me a million reasons to leave, and I stayed.  I gave you a million reasons to stay, and you left."

Both of these posts are awesome and spot on!