BPDFamily.com

So, I have BPD as well but I'm getting treatment for it. He is not. Anyway, we broke up for about 6 months, did our own thing, I thought maybe he had changed so  I reached out and we began talking again. Then we were back together before I knew it. He seemed different, even told me he was trying harder. We went to a halloween party and he was a bit too drunk but all he said were sweet, assuring things to me. On monday we woke up in bed together and things were fine, we were intimate, all of that. Then when we started getting ready for the day he switched the flip I know so well, and began geting in a mood and giving the silent treatment. he essentially split on me. I tried to talk about what was wrong-- nothing. It wasn't until I went to his house to see him where he told me we need space so he can figure out how hes feeling (about past stuff, my ex friending him on facebook, me being taken advantage of my his sisters boyfriend) and he needed to figure out what he wanted. Yt he keeps texting me daily smalltalk, just distant. I know this pattern with him, he always does it and I cant be upset and HES the victim. He knows im Hurting and almost disregards it by saying things like i hope you slept okay sad knowing hes the reason I'm not. i am unbelievably frustrated, these thoughts shouldve been dealt with before we got together but now i dont know what to do other than wait for him to come around or not. it sounds  messed up but i dont want to lose him. will he repeat the cycle and after a few days, think clearly and come back to me?

i need to add-- hes upset because he thinks i lied about a situation that happened, along with random little things i had no control over-- hes essentially punishing me.   C<|||

Hi k-a-r,

Sorry to hear you are feeling a bit stressed and disappointed in your partner. It is hard when they withdraw from us.

Your post reminds of a similar issue I struggle with - how to deal with issues that keep recurring. I can't always tell if it is my partner's brain ruminating on past stuff and whether I want to go down well worn paths with him on past topics that we have previously agreed were resolved. On the one hand I don't want to shut down his need to discuss something, his feelings. But at times I feel like I am endlessly hearing the same things over and over. It is not an easy balance. Also since his feelings are so strong at times I can't help but want to shut them down a bit because it is like a spewing volcano, on the other hand, he has to be able to have/express some feelings. I don't yet know how to balance this to be honest.

He may come back, but hard to say if the issue is really resolved. And when people have trouble controlling their thoughts and emotions resolution is not easy to achieve I find.

Do you feel like some of the tools here could help you find a better way to communicate?

Take care! :)

Hi k-a-r

So sorry to hear that things are difficult for you right now. Splitting can be unbearable when it’s done by someone we love, my uBPD son has split me black and currently wants n/c so I understand how you are feeling.

I just want to pick up on something pearlsw wrote about in her reply to you, and that is recurring issues.
Pearlsw there is a wonderful article on this site about Emotional Memory Management, if you’ve not already read it you might find it useful. I’m sorry I can’t remember how I came across it, I have tried to access it again but have drawn a blank. The article is written by Joseph Carver and can be easily googled x