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I have had so many dreams about her in the last month, and she still hurts me there.  

Why does this happen?  

In fact.  I just woke up from one.  They're more like nightmares really because she treats me terrible every single time.

Hi Shedd,

Maybe your subconscious is working some stuff out? How long have you been separated?

It takes time for the mind and heart to get back into balance. I was emotionally a mess for close to a year. And even after that, for awhile I still had "sensitivities" that would be frequently triggered and caused me pain.

What do you think?

heartandwhole

I have been hurting for about 2 years now.  I thought that we could manage being friends, but it didn't work out and I have only had NC with her for about 4 months. 

She abandoned me during a really rough time after my Grandpa and my sister had died.  It's just been a really rough year for me.  That might be why. 

I can relate, I often dream about her as well. More often when I take a quick nap during the daytime somewhere, so I try to avoid that. I mean, I probably dream about her during the night as well, but I mostly don't remember when I wake up in the morning, so that helps.

The fact that you are dreaming about her still means you are still working through stuff. Don't feel bad that its been two years. Its been three years for me (with various recycles during those years, sure, but still three years without an official relationship with her). Its perfectly normal. You are not alone.

I dont have advise on how to stop the dreaming, unfortunately. When I was a kid and I was scared of monsters or something (had a fear of clowns thanks to the IT miniseries, haha), I started noticing that if I would think about that subject before going to sleep, I wouldn't get nightmares about that subject. Like, my mind had already thought about it instead of surpressing it, so it didn't need to pop up in my dreams. However, as far as my ex goes, that trick unfortunately doesn't work. I think about her during the day but I still often dream about her. So I can't help you there unfortunately.

Most likely it a function of stuffing down emotions that you are feeling (to be functional) and as a result, they are being felt and released in your sleep. You're still in emotional trauma. This is a "PTSD" kinda thing. The lose was so overwhelming to you mental state that injury had to be held and not felt as it was to devastating. Now the body is venting it off a little ay at a time in dreams.

I think knowing this will help.

I'm going through this big time. I even had to put a new bedspread on the bed because I'd wake up triggered by the old one.

Funny, because even though I'm often tired during the day because of the dreaming, I feel better during the day. It's just at night.