BPDFamily.com

So, I met this woman I talked with on an dating-app last year. We didn't had any type of romance but met just casual. It was then love at first sight from both sides (I hope), and she stayed at my place for months, eventually moving in with me. (relationship lasted 16 months) I knew she had issues and could see the warning-signs. Many years ago I met a woman with possible BPS, which was a rollercoaster, ending up with a child she forced me into having with her, so this wasn't news for me - healing from that relationship took many years.

I was blinded with love for this new girl and it didn't take long time for the first fight to break out, mostly due to her anxiety she was coping with, which she couldn't handle. But I was always patient with her, warm and calm, and could snap her back to normal. I knew she had issues and I could work with that. She was always very intimate with me, showing love and gave me compliments, told me she loved me everyday. I was everything for her, and she said repeatedly that she wanted a family with me, grow old with me.

She had been self-destructive before she met me and had slept around with guys, letting them hang on at her social medias afterwards, which I couldn't deal with. It made me jealous and we fought about it many times, until she understood me and deleted all guys from her past she had a fling with, or talked with from dating-apps and such. My jealousness was also a product of that she almost never instigated in sexual acitivites with me or showed me sexual confirmation. It was always on my side, and sure, we had sex a lot, and the sex was fantastic - but it was almost always me that took initiative for it. I guess I also suffer from bad self-esteem which added upp to it.

As a child she had grew up with a psychological abusive father that she split bound with 8 years ago. She talked about me with this many times, and I tried to help. I got her into seeking psychiatric help for her anxiety, that she believed was because of her childhood. She was open about it and thought she had PTSD-symptoms. After some meetings and starting therapy she stopped going there, it was too heavy for her and brought up memories she couldn't cope with.

The months went on, and fights happened many times. But when we were happy with eachother life was fantastic and our love was strong and passionate. She often reacted very badly towards any little type of comment that could be seen as critisism. Bursting out in tears, crying, and then shutting me out, being cold or angry.

Here we are, two weeks before now we went to bed. We had argued a lot recently but those fights never lasted long and we always went back to good quickly. She couldn't sleep and I noticed she started to get angry for some reason, before this we had been hugging and I had wrote a cute thing on her Facebook-wall she answered, just 10 minutes from now. She suddenly got angry with me and went out to the living room and sat by herself in the sofa. I was asking her what was wrong, trying to talk with her. She then told me she was unhappy in this relationship, that I made her unhappy, and started blaming me for how she felt. Trying talking with her for hours didn't work and she packed her stuff up and moved out in the morning, after noone of us had any sleep.

After this I've tried contacting her, asking what the F just happened. First she responded, very angry, saying she doesn't want anything to do with me anymore. I later uploaded a pic on a social media, nostalgic pic, with a little text that was refering the her, about love. She had deleted me from every social media sites but was lurking my page days after and saw it and wrote some mean texts, and then blocked me EVERYWHERE.

She also said when she broke up with me that she loves me more than anything, but she doens't feel she's in love with me anymore. The strange thing is that she recently stopped with birth control. We had been talking about checking her hormones at a doctors to see if that could be the reason she was tired often, had anxiety etc.

Does this sound like borderline to you? Could the stoppage with birth control pills have contributed to her sudden loss of feeling love for me? She's doing NC with me now and I have also found out some days after she laft me that she's made a new accounts on two seperate dating apps.

I'm a god damn wreck right now and she doesn't care a bit at all. Trying to get some resolution from what's happened so that I can move on but it's impossible. Did she ever even loved me, and was it in the way I loved her?

Hi limetaste,

*welcome*

A pwBPD feel emotions 2000 thousand fold if you compare that with a non. They’re feeling so I tensely in the moment that they can’t recall feeling any other way about someone. What I’m trying to say that feelings are quicksilver to a pwBPD.

I can see how heartbreaking that would feel when you had a passionate and close relationship and she says that she doesn’t feel anything for you. I wouldn’t get hung up in the words that are said I stead look at her actions.

It could be that her fear of engulfment (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=281066.0;all) is triggered, a owBPD will become angry if they feel like their partner is getting too close to them. The fear of engulfment is feeling like your losing your sense of self ( identity) in the r/s. Remember that intimacy triggers the disorder both closeness and distance, a pwBPD will push their partners away if they feel engulfed.

Thank you for the response. She said after she left when I contacted her that she loves me "most of all in the world", she isn't just IN LOVE with me anymore, which came as a big surprise. Last contact was at saturday, I was feeling like a suicidal wreck and tried calling her, ended up leaving a voice message. She then replied by e-mail extremly angry cause I contacted her. I'm black right now and she hates everything about me.

I'm guessing I'm fooling myself for trying to blame this on the stoppage of the birth control pills. I know she has PTSD-trauma from her childhood. Reading up about the subject "complex PTSD" and "BPS" seems very familiar in symptoms, but the "splitting" is more of a dominant factor for BPS - and splitting is surely what's she's doing. I'm devalued. Last message I got from her she was talking about a restraining order.

Days are passing through, still NC since saturday from both parts. I check her Spotify-list sometimes and there's two songs added that I'm guessing is either a message to me from her, or that she's trying to convince herself she made the right choice. Both songs seems to be BLACK/WHITE-love songs, wow... .that's perfect... .

She let out on me, and she left out on my dog that she truly loved. Even the dog misses her. All of this is madness and I'm just sitting here like a wreck hoping she will contact me. I need to move on, somehow. Dropped 6 kg in 2 weeks now. Life has just stopped.

Still not a word from her. I'm struggling but I've managed to eat more the past couple of days. Even put in some workout yesterday.

Feelings of hope, that she return (for what?) Feelings of understanding, how she feels, how she behaves and why. Feelings of hate. What would I do if she's trying to recycle? Get some revenge by manipulating her into unconditional love, then dump her?

Getting through the days with alcohol and bensodiazepines. They work great, but it won't last in the long term. Made a user on Tinder again after almost two years, getting many matches which is some sort of relief, but I couldn't care less about it. Conversations fly, but it's just a charade I'm putting up.

What do I see in this woman? She's immature, almost no hobbies or dreams (oh yeah, one of her dreams was to become a mother, with my kid), she's good looking but no supermodel, and yeah "she's got a great ass", like Pacino would've say it. How did I end up here?