BPDFamily.com

Saturday, uBPDh was acting REALLY weird. All afternoon and evening, he was working on installing some shelves. I had asked him if he wanted to watch a movie with me, since we hadn't spent a lot of time together recently, and we hadn't watched a movie together in forever. He said he did, but then he started working on adding putty to the shelves to fill in some cracks. I stayed up waiting for him to finish until about 11PM, but couldn't help falling asleep because I wasn't feeling well. I woke up again around 1 and he was not upstairs. I texted him from my bed, "Where are you?" He said that he was in the garage, and that he'd be right there.

I was wide awake at that point, so I started reading things on my phone. An hour later, he still hadn't come to bed. I went downstairs to check on him (he'd threatened suicide earlier in the week, so I was a bit paranoid, even though I never think he'll follow through). The lights were out in the garage and it was locked. He was nowhere to be found.

I texted him again, "The lights are out in the garage, you're not out there." He replied, "I'm outside. I'll be in when I feel like it." This was very unlike him. I was concerned. I decided to sit up and wait for him in the living room. Another hour went by. He still didn't turn up.

I texted again, saying, "I just want to know if you are safe, that's all." No response this time.

It was worrisome, and I thought that maybe I should go out looking for him. At that moment, I just happened to walk upstairs, and saw that the door to the second bedroom was closed, and it had been open earlier in the evening. I tried the door, and the door was locked. I knocked on the door, and he responded right away.

"What's going on?" I asked him, so confused. "Why did you lie about where you were?"

"I didn't want you to get mad," He said. "I needed to be alone."

Of course, I was mad at him for lying. "I waited for you for HOURS and you were up here the whole time?"

He claimed he had an anxiety attack over his own self-doubt, and that he needed to be alone. There is no furniture in the second bedroom, so he was lying on the floor.

The next day we talked about it. He did not apologize for lying to me because he didn't want me to ask questions or be concerned. He said it felt suffocating that I kept texting him.

Lying, to me, is unacceptable. I told him that all he needed to do was to say that he wasn't feeling well and needed some time alone, and that I would respect that. He does not believe me, and thinks that I will worry about him.

He's starting to do things like this more and more, even though this is the worst of it by a longshot. He does this thing where he's clingy 90 percent of the time, and then 10 percent of the time, he just does whatever he wants without bothering to communicate, and then calls ME clingy if I ask him where he's gone. It's like full on or nothing. The other times he's gone without communicating, he's been at our neighbor's house two doors down, the guy he smokes marijuana with.

Speaking of MJ, he's been smoking a lot more recently, and I think it's contributing to his BPD, honestly. It's also making him more forgetful, so he's been misplacing things more frequently, and dysregulating because of it. Anyone else have a BPD partner who smokes pot? I don't touch the stuff myself, as it enhances my depression.

I would have ONE more follow up communication with him.

"Admit" to him that you will "worry" about him, but that you will respect his clearly stated needs.

Ask him to do the same.

Drop the matter.

Yeah... .this is weird.

FF