BPDFamily.com

The last contact that we had felt pretty amazing honestly. I say that because I'm at the end of my healing journey.

In the beginning I had read some articles around here on the site and there were was concepts and ideas that I never heard of before that I found interesting. One concept was radical acceptance. I really wanted to get over the pain that I felt and I wanted to be there for the kids and not caught up in drama with my ex wife with co-parenting. I saw how she treated my ex SD's father throughout our marriage. I didn't understand it then, she has traits of a personality disorder and her ex was emotionally attached.

Some people are like that with self awareness and to his credit, he probably doesn't know about BPD. I saw him go through 15 years of drama. I didn't want that because I drama and I married a dramatic woman lol. That being said.

I'm happy that I embraced radical acceptance when I arrived here as junior member and as a senior member on the site now, I can see the pay offs.

I had the kids over Christmas holidays and she had asked me to watch them over them on her weekend after having them for two weeks. She had a thing to go to for her work and she to fly out of town. She contacted me and said I'm sure that I said I'm to come pick up the kids at 4 when she hadn't. She had said 1, but she probably felt embarrassed. I just told her "flight arrivals are late sometimes"

Her selfishness and incapacity to think about other people's schedules used to really bug me. The big picture was that was that the kids got to spend time with dad instead of the kids being watched by her friends and family. The less dysfunction that they are exposed too the better.

She hasn't been nice to me in years. She was later than what she had said and she didn't give me a heads up that was late lol So she said "Hey Mutt! A guy got his motorbike stolen and the president bought him a new bike?" I said "Wow, he sounds like a nice guy!"

We had idle chit chat and I smiled. I felt incredibly happy because of radical acceptance. I never thought that I would heal these wounds and be at a place of peace with my marriage with a pwBPD and the carnage of the after math of my marriage. I had three reasons to fight back. My kids.

If anyone is interested:

TOOLS: Radical Acceptance for family members  (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=89910.0)

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Great stuff Mutt!  I'm pleased for you.

Allowing yourself to not get filled with frustration is like a weight lifts.  It reminds me a little of how I deal with my son sometimes.  We may be in a hurry to get ready and go somewhere, yet he's caught up in something more fun and doesn't want to listen.  There's a choice we can make.  Get frustrated or let it go and relax.
 After all the usual encouragement, distraction and coaxing fails, I ask myself if I would rather become more pushy and both of us end up feeling fed up, or just go with it and accept that he's enjoying himself in the moment and that's OK.  If we're late or don't go, what's the issue really if he's having a great time?  Letting go of the frustration is very freeing and I feel more in control of my emotions.  We can choose not to flood ourselves with the negative ones by managing our reaction to events, as you describe.  It's great to hear things went amazing.  Good on you!

Love and light x