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It's been almost 4 weeks now with NC from him. I've blocked him from all angles as best as I can and I'm happy that I haven't heard from him. Since then, I've been picking up the pieces of my life and have made amends with 3 of my friends whose friendship I almost lost because of all the stories he's been feeding me about what they've been supposedly saying about me behind my back. He's been telling me how nobody likes me and that they all think I'm self-centered. I fought hard to let him know that it's not true, but eventually he got the best of me with 3 of my friends because he said nobody would ever say it to my face because they feel sorry for me. I met with 2 of our mutual friends (they are engaged) over the weekend and found out all these horrible things he's been saying about me. Throughout the year, he's been messaging them all these horrible things about me and when he does meet with my friend, he would tell him that I get jealous whenever he's hanging out with them so therefore, he doesn't want me around. They felt something was amiss about him when he sent my friend's fiancee an email that was just about her. He lied and alluded that my friend's fiancee would be the type that I would go after and that I've been saying horrible things about her behind her back.

Then through the conversation, I discovered that his "ex" wife was at the exhibition that I was told not to go because it wasn't a big deal. But when the same friend attended the show, he was introduced to his "ex" wife by her name.  When my friend asked about me, he was told that I was jealous of him that i didn't get in the exhibition so that's why I didn't attend the opening night. I put "ex" wife in quotation marks because I'm not sure if they are really divorced now. We lived together for 2 years and I'm devastated to find out that she was at the show when I was told not to attend. He showed me a digital photo of the "divorce" paper, but it didn't say they were officially divorced or anything in June and then again last month when I asked him about it. I was livid about his "ex" wife and livid that he would lie. I was the one who encouraged him to submit his work and told him I would pay for the fee if he doesn't have the money to pay for it. I was caught off-guard that he got in the show because he told me he wasn't going to do it and only found out because one of my best friends saw him posting on Facebook that he got in the show. I waited for him to tell me about it and he didn't. So when I confronted him he told me that he was caught off guard too because it was his friends that submitted his work on his behalf. I now question if that was even true.

The whole time he's been saying all these horrible things about me behind my back, he has been accusing me of telling our friends lies about him. Over and over again I had to tell him I didn't say anything. Now that 3 of "our" friends know his true colors... .I guess I'm just not sure if he understands that his paranoia and erratic behavior is apparent to most of these people and that's why they are not communicating with him?

He's taken my stuff from me (my photo papers and my memory cards amongst a few other small things w/o my permission or claimed that he thought they belonged to his friend)... .As I stated before, he wrote 2 anonymous letters to my school accusing me of having sex with male teachers in the building and mistreating my students. Luckily I have a great rapport with the community and district so they believed me. I know I'm just rambling but what I want to know is, is this a normal behavior for someone with BPD? The lying, the cheating, the taking things without permission?

Hey river west, Yes, I would say that it is normal, due to their black and white thinking.  Once you get on the Black List, a pwBPD may go to incredible lengths to be vindictive or to hurt you.  In the mind of a pwBPD, sad to say, it's justified because you have gone over to the dark side.  It's not worth arguing about it or protesting, because you're not going to change the opinion of a pwBPD.  My suggestion: decline to engage.

LuckyJim

Thank you LuckyJim for the response. I sincerely appreciate it. I just don't understand how he did what he did while we were still living together... .and continued to keep a straight face while lying to me. Who does that?