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Title: how to explain to family/friends / Holidays :( Post by: butterflylove on November 15, 2017, 07:30:40 PM Hello everyone. My divorce went through several months ago. I've been 99.9% NC for about 7 months now. I don't normally look forward to the holidays, but I'm really scared about this year. Some of my relatives/ friends met my ex (once) after we had been married about one year, and I haven't seen them since then. I am terrified and clueless as to how to explain or talk about what happened (hell) with my BPD ex. I also went through hell after leaving him (suicidal, major depression). I've been very open with my close friends and family members, but I'll be seeing a lot of people soon.
I am still confused about so many things, and slowly trying to figure them out. Going into even a little detail about what happened with him gives me anxiety and I am also suffering from PTSD. I don't want to simply say "it didn't work out" because I feel it devalues the suffering I went through and also diminishes the severity of the situation. I want to be honest and also honor what I went through. I feel embarrassed to say "He is mentally unstable" and I didn't know, etc. Any ideas? Title: Re: how to explain to family/friends / Holidays :( Post by: babyducks on November 16, 2017, 04:49:26 AM Hi butterflylove,
I would suggest going into no detail what's so ever. If I understand you correctly these are people who you don't share a close relationship with and don't really have a need to know. If discussing it raises your level of anxiety I would suggest a phrase that you prepare before,... .practice it in a mirror if that helps. Something like I went through a very difficult time with my ex, and I am not able to really talk about it right now. Let's talk about something more pleasant. Isn't this a nice party. or Ex and I are no longer together. It's been a very hard year and I am looking forward to 2018. What about you? Any plans for 2018? or even, Oh my that's a topic that's too much for this party. Let's pick something else to talk about. My P used to say Less is More. Which meant, less words, less explanations, less need to participate in things that bothered me. 'ducks Title: Re: how to explain to family/friends / Holidays :( Post by: hope2727 on November 16, 2017, 10:29:29 AM Excerpt I would suggest going into no detail what's so ever. this exactly. Try practicing lines in advance like ... . It was very sad but this is a happy occasion lets stick to that. or Thanks for your concern maybe we can talk about it some other time but tonight is about family how has yours been? I;m just happy to be here among family what has yours been up to? Smile sweetly and enforce your boundaries. |