|
Title: Adult child is trans and has BPD Post by: 3joys on November 16, 2017, 07:19:15 PM Our 24 yo has been incredibly difficult since about 13yo. They came out as trans in 2016 and also went on medication for anxiety also became very verbally abusive toward family members who didn’t use correct pronouns etc.
Says they did everything we wanted, graduated from college and then refused to get a job. Basically threw their degree in the toilet. Won’t get a decent job, yet wants us funding stuff for her... .cars, phone, insurance, etc. If we don’t, she cuts us off. Now has strong beliefs in anarchy and won’t abide by any rules. Won’t move back home but is always on the verge of homelessness. Has even fought with people in the transgender community at times. Lies to us and keeps us away unless she needs money. We are tired of this. She sees a psychiatrist but won’t let us talk to them because her life is “none of our business.” Thoughts? Title: Re: Adult child is trans and has BPD Post by: incadove on November 17, 2017, 01:43:45 AM Hi 3joys - welcome to the forum!
It sounds like you are so intensely frustrated after providing support and putting up with verbal abuse for so long. Its hard to improve a relationship when dealing with really negative behaviors and as a result feeling very negative emotions. For me, detaching from things I can't control and trying to find a place where I feel in control of myself, lets me reduce my negative emotions. I also use the Buddhist meditation to want good for myself and others - Buddhist teachings are actually one of the inspirations for DBT therapy. The idea of 'radical acceptance' - accepting the current reality as fact, just accepting it, and then also wanting to change it, is another key part of DBT. Reading and learning is a big part for me of being able to calm and find hope and peace. Have you read the links here so far? There are lists also of good books for deeper study, the more you learn then you can focus on sort of professional behavior and trying things to see what works, for me that helps me to focus on myself because that is the one thing I can control! It may not help them, but we can help ourselves to deal with the situation differently to make it less painful for us as parents - and in the long term that may help the relationship. Wishing the best for you :thought: Title: Re: Adult child is trans and has BPD Post by: QueerDread on November 17, 2017, 05:39:20 PM Hi 3joys, sorry for your situation!
First, the advices of incadove are essential. We must help ourselves to deal with the situation differently to make it less painful for us, as we can't make people change! Moreover, to be careful with the pronouns is a very important thing! If it is a trans person 'male to female' we must use "she" and, if it is a trans person 'female to male' we must use "he". It is very important for trans people to be respected with yours identities (and I imagine it is even more important for a PDB trans person). |iiii I hope can help you somehow! Best regards! |