BPDFamily.com

So I'm way past my uBPDxgf now. It's been a couple of years since we broke up. She actually reached out to me some month back by calling me. I wasn't fazed, I really felt nothing. She started calling me more and more so I politely told her I'd appreciate if she didn't, which of course upset her (the first thing she did when she first called me was telling me how horrible her boyfriend is... , you all know the deal).

I don't miss her, I don't want her, I don't hate her, I'm way past it. However, I still can't seem to find my place in life. I sleep very little and work *a lot*. If I don't, I get nightmares, anxiety etc. and basically can't even cope with life. I have yesterday and today off from work and already I'm waking up from nightmares with anxiety. Usually the nightmares are about my parents fighting or me feeling alone in childhood.

Can you guys relate to this? How do you cope?

Also I've tried dating for a bit but I seem completely unable to fall for anyone. They all basically just become a pastime thing.

 Is this life for "normal" people as well? Life feels super pointless.

Hey LC, I think it's common for a BPD r/s to open up childhood wounds.  Perhaps hearing from her reopened some of them for you?  It could mean that you have more work to do, in terms of processing those feelings from childhood and/or your feelings surrounding your b/u.  Do you have a T?  If not, have you tried journaling about your feelings?  Do you have a close friend or family member with whom you can discuss?  You have acknowledged your feelings, which is the first step.  The next step is to process them.  Until that happens, it seems likely that you will continue to be burdened and/or haunted by past issues.  Does this make sense?

LuckyJim

Hello LonelyChild 


I relate.

I have a BPD mum and a NPD dad. I had a relationship with a BPD/NPD partner.

I have processed and healed a lot after my last break up. I discovered that my FOO was dysfunctional, I learned how to set boundaries, how to not attract BPD anymore, ... .It was a lot and at times I felt overwhelmed. It was a very interesting time though.

I think I have done most of the work by now, although I think it's a lifelong thing.  But I feel happy and healthy most of the time, so I guess that's a good sign.

I do notice however that I have more dreams about my childhood, than I had before. Most of the times it's when in real life I feel controlled by some bully colleague / when I feel manipulated by my ex (the father of my child). Then sometimes there is a dream about me being controlled again by my parents. And feeling lonely around them. Then I wake up relieved that it was only a dream.

It feels unsettling right ?
You are saying you have difficulty coping with life. I have been there and I know that's really tough. After I broke up with my BPD ex, I read somewhere that this kind of thing makes you feel like you are a computer with a virus. That was exactly how I felt. I felt like I had been infected by a virus. I didn't even know who I was anymore. Does that make sense to you ?

I think LJ gave you an excellent suggestion. Sometimes we need some clarity, and a therapist can offer us just that. I always thought I didn't need one, but now I am superenthusiastic about mine  :)

What do you think ?

I can relate to the issues of anxiety, painful nightmares, and perhaps feeling lost. Anxiety can kind of feed itself pretty quickly, and it sounds like you are putting yourself up against big questions about existence. Try to make an effort to shift your focus from the big existential picture to day to day things within your control. You mention poor sleep. Could you try a few little things to improve your sleep habits if there's room for improvement there?
I experience more anxiety on my days off in many ways as well, in part because of the absence of structure. Recently I started volunteering for a few hours on my days off. It doesn't cure the problem, but it gives me something meaningful to do. You don't have to do this necessarily, but what is a typical day off like for you? Could a little more structure help? (So much for a day off though ).
As for the dreams, it makes sense they would cause you distress. Probably the anxiety you experience feeds into the dreams, which feed into the anxiety. Maybe the dreams are significant and you are at a place in your life to address old issues. At the same time, I wouldn't want you to be stuck in this negative place, so in that respect, I'd urge you to try and stay in the present. Above all, be gentle with yourself as much as possible.