BPDFamily.com

Hi all,

It's been over 60 days from the start of NC. I was wondering if people have had experience with their ex-partner's smear campaigning?

I presume it is their anger overruling their integrity and honesty. It seems like some of my personal information has been disclosed to the masses. Little to her knowledge the people she tells are acquaintances of mine yet she doesn't know that and find her deranged as a result of what was said. It seems a shame because it is really petty and uneeded. Personally I have excluded her from my daily conversations as there are vastly more interesting things to be said.

What was said about you and how long did they smear you from the best of your knowledge?

Much love

My pwBPD started the smear campaign about a month ago but I think it's tapering off right now. The trick is to not give her any more fodder/material. It's a big plus that your friends/acquaintances are aware of the problems. My acquaintances were caught completely off-guard because I was always very private about our relationship. Now I am casted as the villain and she's the victim in their eyes. Well... .that sucks. But I also have friends who are willing to listen to my side of the story and I will focus on them.

Hey letskeep, Sure, my BPDxW let everyone know how terrible I am.  Some, but not all, declined to buy into her depiction of me.  There was nothing I could do about it so I let it go and suggest you do the same.  To quote Dr. Seuss, those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind!

LJ

Hi keeping it real,
I thought your post was my post cause our names are so similar, and so are our struggles.
It was me catching my ex in a lie on Facebook that led him to end our friendship.
He had moved out here to be with me despite the fact of me telling him I didn't want to see him until he was divorced. He then  posted a cryptic statement on Facebook telling people I had wasted his time for five years even though he was the one lying to me. When I confronted him about it he justified what he said and said nobody knew what it was about. Contrary to his statement a mutual friend at church asked me about it later because it was quite obvious what it was about.
I unfriended him on Facebook because I could no longer read his lies so I no longer know what he is saying about me.

My ex began smear campaigning me to mutual friends already before the discard (this I learned only in retrospect). It lasted a few months more after the discard, during which I withdrew entirely from the group. It was after those few months that the group started realizing who she is and, one by one, started to pull away from her. They had not only started to sense that what she was saying about me wasn't true, but they each had their own experiences with her less than favourable behaviour by that point too.

All kinds of things were said about me - from distortions of morsels of truth, to outright fabrications.

One of them was that I have OCD when, in fact, it is my ex who is diagnosed with and on medication for OCD (as well a host of other comorbid mental health disorders). 

Another smear came after a rage she had. It came suddenly, unexpectedly, and was very violent, as she hit and slammed things, stomped about, and cursed loudly, until she stormed out of my apartment to meet our mutual friends for a celebration we were to go to that night. I said not a word during the entire episode. I remember just focusing on remaining calm, breathing, staying out of her way, and letting her do her thing, and not take it personally. I was never an angry person, and most certainly never once so much as even raised my voice at her. I had also never had anyone blow up like that before. I had no idea what was going on. Naturally, after she left, I entered a mini state of trauma in which I was initially numb, and then started shaking. I was so utterly shocked and confused over what just happened. I took an hour to muster the nerve to still join our mutual friends at the celebration to at least show my support for the cause (though I didn't stay long), where she had already been sitting happily laughing and socializing like nothing happened. I later discovered that she had spent the time before I arrived, telling them that it was I that had just been raging and violent towards her.