BPDFamily.com

Hi, new to posting but not reading this forum  for months.  Have read so much about BPD it is non stop activity for me.  The highlights, almost 24 month dating relationship, I was fresh out of a very healthy lt relationship that just ran its course.  Didn't take time to heal and met this woman  who was great.  Mind you I had zero idea about all of what's contained in this forum and BPD, I just thought it was stuff you saw in movies. So I jumped right in, we hung out most nights doing fun stuff and things progressed quickly after a few weeks.  Right on the BPD checklist, she was perfect, stunningly beautiful, charming, vulnerable, cute in a ballcap when she wanted, or runway model an hour later. Personality was the same dynamic. Next thing I know we are 90 days in and I'm all in, greatest guy she has ever known, best you know, love bombing away.  Typical if I would've know then what I know now story.  I missed all the signs early on, love bombing, irrational, failed r/s, all the guys were bad guys all their fault, then came herjealousy and insecurity towards me. So that continues for a few months and I ignore it all and chalk it up to just needy, and hey I really am that great, I can manage this .
So then things escalate as it continues over many months, I start getting flaky and pulling away, in sets the irrational accusations, abandonment issues as in physically restraining so not to leave her, incessant calls and texts, emotional blackmail, self harm, etc... .
I've broken up with her 3x each time about a month or so, then  I take her back each time after promises of change and me missing her. Ended it with her for the last time about a month ago, she is still coming at me hard with calls and texts, I've read about NC and have tried but it is really hard.  She's really smart and has used every mind trick in the book and latest is 'dating someone new.' Yet can't leave me alone.
Just need to know I can get through this, how to be strong, how long does it take, why is this harder than any other breakup.
Sorry for long post, left a lot out as you can imagine but this storY is identical to so many of the others on here I don't think it was necessary. Thank you for listening and support.

You should read as many NC posts on this board going back at least 3 mos.
Very good advice, particularly from the moderator(s).
It will definitely help.
I continue to break NC at least once a month in hopes of even getting a response.
 from my exBPD.
That only serves to prove my insecurities. Time to move on for good.
The love bombing stage was unlikely anything else in my life. It's like taking drugs.
The withdrawal for mos. was terrible. The abyss.
I finally realized life is not based on validation through others, r/s or material items.
Good luck. Read up on NC.

Difficult to welcome anyone to this nightmare   but glad you found ‘us.’  Gosh, it’s been 4 years away from my BPDX...   In the beginning, I’d receive blunt warnings from folks around here.  Didn’t help, thought I could ‘make it work.’  After 3 years of abuse, including 7 recycles... it finally became obvious... .   

Yes, reading your description mirrored my own, and yes ... seems they’re all like that, as well as folks looking for a handle back to reality…

What I learned: Those with BPD are limited in love; the only part of it they’re capable of is the initial romance.  Thus, they get good at it!  They know what we like - because they like it too!  But as the R/S progresses, we lose them.  They lack the ability to take the R/S to a deeper level, the level of trust and commitment necessary to sustain one.  Fearing that we’ll recognize this, they project numerous insecurities to throw us off.  If we navigate those, continuing toward a stable R/S, they lose it…

For them, it’s a short but wild ride … kinda like a never-ending super-coaster…  Again, we like it too, as it makes a ‘normal R/S’ appear boring in comparison.  But envision them forever stuck on the Big Ride -- with their only break being that of jumping into other cars - with other riders … as we get off, assuming we’ll never have as wild a ride again…  And though our BPDX’s appear as though the fun’s never stopped, it soon dwindles. 

So, mope around!  Walk the carnaval alone…  But it’ll happen, you’ll meet a normal, and this time, you’ll know it!  And though you may start out on the kiddy coaster … your chances of ending up in the tunnel of (true & lasting) love are ... endless.

Sever all contact with the BPX, come back to earth, accompany friends, walk or run alone, continue to read about the condition, appreciate your freedom…  It won’t take 4 years, but it will take time; a detoxification of sorts.  Contract, center, then expand - with additional knowledge and a deeper appreciation of your ability to love - and to appreciate that same ability in another … one who’s a bit more difficult to find, but well worth the effort