BPDFamily.com

So, On Sunday, I invited a friend who I am attracted to into a group chat, We were flirting, talking all that business. Until I realized my ex-was in the chat. Now she had me blocked at the time, and she wasn't saying anything, so I assumed she wasn't reading it.

Cut to Tuesday, I get a message about a porn site and my ex, We used to post pics of each other up on there, And she turns around and says I did it without her consent. Which is a lie. I broke contact to ask her what the ___ she was playing at. And I reveal I've moved on, And I've met someone. She asks me her name, I reply to it. Then she reveals that she saw what we were saying to each other, seeing us flirt etc. Then 2 days later, This ___ happens.


I've had to delete my FB and go off the radar. What the ___ is she doing? Is this her sick and twisted way of saying she still loves me and can't get over the fact I've moved on, even though SHE HERSELF ALREADY HAS A BOYFRIEND?

Hi Tonetta1995,

Hi Tonetta,

*welcome*

I can understand feeling angry at your ex because she’s in a r/s with someone else and you’re getting mixed messages. That’s pouring salt on your wounds.

A pwBPD behaviour is driven by the disorder and a criterion for BPD is the fear of abandonment. A pwBPD see hyper vigilant and are always scanning for queue that the person that they love is going to reject them - perceived or imagined. It’s a double edged sword, whatever intentions that you had in the r/s the fear of abandonment is self destructive in r/s’s.

I’m speculating, if it’s a new r/s, I don’t know your backstory she’s creating an exit strategy to avoid being abandoned. She acts out what she fears most - abandonment. My advice to you is to read about BPD, read whatever you can get your hands on, make sure that’s if from accredited sources. There’s a lot of internet lore and misinformation about BPD.

Becoming familiar with the disorder is going to help your healing, learn depersonalize the behaviours. I mentioned earlier that her actions are driven by the disorder. She’s  entered on herself. Think about it this way, what if you were flooded abandonment anxiety and you were scared of being left alone and constantly thinking about it. You’re focused on your fears and not on your loved ones it’s going to damage relationships.


Don’t give her attention. Don’t break no contact, the sooner that you do this the faster that she’s going to turn her attention away from you. It’s hard to see right now but if you keep defending your boundaries she’ll stop harassing you.