BPDFamily.com

Working 12 hours a day this week so I can go to court with our son tomorrow morning... .I am one tired Mama, I’m embarrassed to say how quickly I have lost my faith at times... .when it gets to this stage, 4 plus years separated and 2 plus years since our son filed for divorce you learn who your true friends are. You learn not everyone who was once so willing to listen to you now seems to run when they see you. I find when I’m upset, REALLY upset I need to talk with someone. I truly try not to burden anyone, I’m more of a suck it up person, keep it in, then when needed go into a private bathroom and cry. I cry a lot.  They say what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger... .I don’t believe that.

FF, it is true that a polygraph test is admissible if a judge orders it to be.  DHS can’t wait to get a copy, supposedly so if another false allegation is made they can say”it’s not true”. Do I believe that... .heck no, I don’t trust any of them. Tomorrow court is for his wife to get full temp custody, because the claim is he is now a child molester, that claim doesnt bother me anymore... .I KNOW our son has never done anything like that, but just having a polygraph test that states he is an honest man and is telling the truth that he never touched his son in a sexual manner makes a huge difference for us... .yes, there will be some,  including his W who will say that he could pass it because he was in the military, I really don’t care... .if you’ve never taken one it is a hellish experience, sick twisted questions are asked... .it was a 3.5 hour ordeal.  I know our son was very apprehensive and me being the person I am did a lot of research... .the odds of it coming out saying you are guilty is quite high, but I never said a word to him about that. He was between a rock and a hard place. After he was done the polygraph man told him that the detective knew he was innocent, as well as the polygraph tester. He said “you are a very forthcoming man, up front with even telling me you had looked on line to see what sort of questions may be asked, I didn’t have to ask you that in the polygraph test... .you volunteered that prior to the test “  btw, our son looked up that question but then decided he didn’t want to know. Haha

 He has not seen his son now I think for 34 or 35 days... .BUT FD, and FF his attorney did get 2 things added to tomorrow, the first being  a $2,000 bond as security against court violations for the court ordered parenting plan if she doesn’t give our son his 50/50 parenting time... .2nd, she will have to pAy our sons expenses such as attorney fees, filing fees and court costs, 3rd, make up missed parenting time that  our son has missed by her hiding his son and all other time lost has to be made up.   Supposedly his w has proof why she needs this emergent court hearing tomorrow... .which is probably something she has coached the kids to say on video, so our sons attorney has asked his w attorney to provide this “proof” due immediately prior to Thur. Our son attorney did say that the judge may not enforce anything but my hope is the judge, a woman is pissed that our Sons W completely ingnoed her brand new court order to turn over their son.  On a side note, she has also kept him out of school this week. DHS is on that we hear. Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers tomorrow that things finally are seen for what they truly are. Also I will be traveling alone through snow and mountains on a 2 lane road for 178 miles one way... .lots of deer are out this time of year. Thank you all for your continued support, FD, FF, Panda, SES, LNL and all others. Blessings... .I hope one day I can be on this site with great news and be there to help others. Oh, and our son is asking for full custody!  His attorney thinks he just might get it! 

Sending you my thoughts an prayers 

Good Luck,
Panda39

Thank you Panda! 

Best of luck. Take care.

Yes, it does seem she is pulling out all the stops, desperate to get her way any way she can.  It may be a variation on Extinction Bursts. Typically those are immense Boundary Busters with the goal to intimidate you to retreat back to prior appeasing or compliant behaviors.

I guess you'll find out very soon which way the wind now blows in court.  Typically a court can get very peeved when its orders are ignored or trashed.  On the other hand, my experience in court was that it didn't like big changes, would set a minimalistic fix and expect everyone to walk out satisfied and leave the conflict behind.

I think part of your son's lawyer's task is to make clear to the court that years of conflict on mother's part is continuing even stronger than before and substantive changes need to be made, not just due to the extreme conflict but especially for the children's best interests.  It is unconscionable for the children to be used as tools and weapons to further parental conflict.

All I will say is... .it was a cluster... .everything stays as is, no contact at all for our son to see his son until court for divorce/custody on  Dec 13 and 14.  The clincher was when our GS Attorney’s said, “blank” does not want to see his father, he is scared of him, he doesn’t desire to see his dad ever again.  Heart breaking. I see no justice coming.  Our son has a good attorney, but every time she said something the judge shot it down.

The fact that our son took and passed the polygraph test, which was given to the judge and attorneys meant nothing. I could tell the judge had her mind made up when she first walked in. 

Are there any professionals who can appear in court and testify, for example, that it not normal for a child to say he never wants to see one parent ever again, that coaching is a real possibility that should be investigated.  Any help or suggestions possible from offices of William Eddy, Richard Warshak or Craig Childress?

Also, if GS has an attorney (Guardian ad Litem) then is that person qualified to determine whether the boy's statements are credible and substantiated?  Some GALs are attorneys, even new attorneys, who may know laws but without the experience and training to determine the veracity of a child's statement or whether they were influenced or coached.

If this is what the court will see as the end of the divorce, then you may also choose to present as much documentation as possible ON THE RECORD as exhibits, testimony and records.  Why?  If the decision is really as bad as it seems likely to be, then you need to be prepared for seeking a reconsideration, objection or appeal, whichever applies.  Those are largely governed by technicalities.  You can't use docs not submitted to the court during the trial.  That's why I wrote on the record.  Bring documentation in triplicate, your copy, the court's copy and the opposing side's copy.

There have been innumerable DHS cases.  Don't just claim they were closed as unsubstantiated.  Get copies to prove it or get an official to testify to XX cases and how they turned out.  Address any pending cases.  If a continuance was denied before, officially ask again.  I believe you said the court previously delayed the divorce case because of pending investigations, why not in the current pending actions?  Can your lawyer state that any pending action cannot be used against your son based on the legal grounds of innocent until proven guilty?

Even if you fear you may lose, still ask for what is right for the boy.  Repeated blocked parenting visits need to be listed (perhaps both in a list and on a calendar format) and make-up time requested.  Courts are more sensitive about missed holidays so make sure those are emphasized, in detail.  You son should give himself many points to include in an appeal, it's hard to know in advance which details will get remedial action.

As I wrote before, yes, there's been years of smoke but no fire.  Can lawyer allege that the fire is the ex?  And if the allegations only started after separation, then characterize her allegations as persistent retaliation, sabotage and sour grapes.

Final thought to add... .unless son has his parental rights removed (and requirement to pay child support) then he has a right to have parenting time.  It can't be blocked.  Worst case, it may have to be supervised at first, probably best if it is done in the presence of a very experienced evaluator who can report to the court.  He may have to jump through hoops.  But it can't be blocked totally IMO.

Thanks FD... .all good thoughts. I will pass this on to our son. Thank you.