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A year on from my break up I think I have PTSD and the symptom that is really troubling me is the feeling that there is something 'dirty' still in me and like I am infected with him. The violation seemed so deep. What he did to me was profound. I am so flat and dead.

Feelings of PSTD may not be unusual after getting out of a relationship with a BPD. I see you are new here and if you read stories I am sure you will find similarities to your own experience.

I am out of my relationship for just 2 months and I am still not doing fine. There are so many things to process.

Please do share more about your story when you are ready, we are here to listen!

It is some experience that really makes you question your own sanity and also how you behave towards other people around me (how could I stay with this person so long?)

So stick around, read and write as you please! You are not alone!

Hi cambgirl99,

*welcome*

I’d like to join ate and welcome you to the family. I’m sorry that you’re going through this. I’d like the echo ate and a lot of members will be able to relate with PTSD, I have symptoms of PTSD too.

It has to be hard to not think about your ex if he left you feeling empty. Can you tell us your backstory? How long were you together? Why did you break up? Do you still talk to each other? It helps to talk. Hang in there.

I understand how difficult it can be. When I read "feeling evil" I had anticipated a thread where you had vengeful thoughts or something. It wouldn't be surprising. I am a shy 2 months of no contact, and I go from feeling hurt to angry. I had no idea what I was getting myself into or setting myself up for. The only way to describe what we've been through, are going through, is extreme stress and pain. I wish you the best.

What did he do? What was the violation?