BPDFamily.com

I called her last night because I heard a rumour, And we got to talking, And me and her came up, She said "We can be friends for a while, and see what happens, I wanna see if you've changed."
I did some stupid ___ in the relationship.
Skip to today, she says "I got your text, I'll be a friend if you wanna talk, but that's all it can be, I'm with W now"
It's pissing me off, Major mixed signals.

Hey LC, unfortunately it's not a mixed signal, it's just one you would rather not hear. Me and my ex are "friends" now and she is/ has seen other guys since we have been friends. I think mine anyway maybe yours too genuinely can be just friends so soon after a breakup and lose some of the intimate feelings for us. We may get replaced with someone else. If it's the first time she has acted this way, you can believe it might not be the last. Sorry to be bearer of this kind of news, and it may not be true in your case. It is true in mine and other stories I have read on this site. Don't take my words as definitive in your situation, just a possibility. Be strong and stay centered and find other things to focus on other than these crappy situations if you can. Good luck, peace
Emotions

Hey LC1995, Welcome!  It sounds like you are interested in a recycle, if the opportunity arises?  Have I got that right?  If so, what makes you think it would play out differently than the last time?  Don't forget, part of the dynamic for a pwBPD is "I Love You/Go Away," so in a sense you are bound to get mixed signals, as long as you stay in the game.

LuckyJim

Hi LC1995,

You probably already know this but if you want more than friendship and she wants to remain friends but is on an emotional level with you - she’s using you. Don’t let her take advantage of you there are plenty more women that will treat you  with respect and dignity.

It's so ___ed, She asked if my mother hates her, and said she gave her sex toys that she got when she was with me, to her roommate, and kept the letters I wrote to her, etc. It's like I don't know what she was trying to do, And I did assume she loved me, still. Oh well.

Hi LC1995,


She probably doesn’t either, she lacks impulse control and gives into to her impulses. Let’s say that she thinks that your mom hates her, a pwBPD see people as either all good or all bad and a owBPD split themselvees too. If she’s feeling shameful for whatever reason, is there a backstory there?

Maybe she thinks your mom hates her because she hurt you? She probably gave the sex toys because if they were around it would be a memento, be giving it away it doesn’t invoke feelings.

Same goes with you, she’s hanging on to the letters because it’s an attachment to you, it reminds her of you, I don’t think that at this stage she’s over you. She’ll never be completely over you because a pwBPD don’t completely let go of their attachments but she’ll stop hounding you if you keep defending your boundaries.

Are you done with the r/s?

I'm open to a recycle, IF and only IF, She changes. If not, then I am done.
I like to think she misses me, I've blocked her since yesterday, and she'll be staying blocked.

I had the same idea, I wanted my uexBPDw to change when we were married. We can’t control someone else we only have control over two things, our thoughts and feelings. When we go through change everything changes because we interact and take things differently. I never say for certain that something is not going to happen, there’s always that 2% chance that it will happen.

I’m not saying pwBPD don’t recover but she may very well not know that she’s mentally ill or she may know and she’s in denial. My point is I’d move forward with  her remaining exactly the way that she is and with that in mind expect that she may change years or decades down the road.

I'd agree with that. The last part about her being in denial, especially. I said to her "You have a boyfriend, He'll take care of you" and She said "It's different". And mentioned that she got me a gift set last year, this time last year, before we dated. I can't help bt wonder if she still loves me, and regrets all it turned out, I said to her, "you're still in love with me" and she was silent over the phone. Nothing, No reply.

I think you are ahead of the game and have already figured out what is happening and that's great, now if a real break is what you want, you got it.  Don't let her get you chasing you and being a lap dog.  Her dating already?  Think she considered you in that decision?  It's tough but it could be a lot worse and you have the advantage now in this game of love.  Are you willing to bet when the odds are against you.  Would she even be different if you wanted her back and she came back or is she playing because your willing to play also.  I can tell you who will get hurt.  You know the answers.  Best of luck whatever you do, these things can be a circus, stay strong.