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I have been involved with  BPDw for the last 5 years. We have recycled at least 5 times. I just recently left again 10 days ago, I could not handle the day to day rollar coaster and the most recent 39 minute verbal assault. I have been struggling really bad ever since I left. I can't live with her and I cant live without her.
But tonight was something I have not had to deal with in all our breakups. I just saw her at a bar with another guy(we are still married). Way out of character for me I went up to them and I introduced myself to the guy, she obviously got infuriated. I couldnt handle it! Im losing my mind. I feel like I wont make it through this. I want to text her so bad and apologize for approaching them. I really need some help! I am not doing well at all!

Hi Rameses,

How did things play out between yourself and the other guy when you introduced yourself?  It was a bold move and I can't say I blame you.  Sounds like she was upset because she viewed your doing that as spoiling her chances with this potential new partner.  I can imagine it was very painful to see her with someone else so soon.  At the same time, I'd suggest that you remember the reasons why you left and that these things are highly unlikely to improve, especially in light of the fact that she is seeking out solace elsewhere very quickly.

I know (we all do on this board) just how difficult it is to detach from a BPD r/s and it can feel like going cold turkey off a very potent love drug.  The idealisation stage is a real hook.  If you are certain that this is it this time, what strategy do you have in place to help yourself to prevent the past cycle from continuing, leading to further heartache and pain long term? 

Try to be patient with yourself.  10 days is a very short time in a breakup like this.  The loaded bond is extremely hard to break free from.  I'd suggest you try to minimise if not prevent altogether any further instances where your paths could cross for a while now in order to work through your pain and begin to detach.  Time and space away from the drama can give you new perspective on things.  Are you currently no contact?

Here's a link to the article that made the most impact on me in the early stages.  It allowed me to see my own reasons for hanging on and begin to address these in myself.  We cannot change what others think, feel or do.  We can only control ourselves and the impact we have on ourselves by remaining stuck in the same thought processes.  I hope this is as helpful to you as it was to me.

https://bpdfamily.com/content/surviving-break-when-your-partner-has-borderline-personality (https://bpdfamily.com/content/surviving-break-when-your-partner-has-borderline-personality)

Love and light x

   

So if I understand you correctly, your wife is in a bar with another man and you walk up to them and say hello.  Seems more than normal to me if not a little minimilastic if you thought there was something going on between them.

But this is the heart of our non-dilemma; we abandon our truths and our deprecate our perceptions in the face of behavior that is unsuitable from the ones we love because the hurt of losing the same is too great. 

You mentioned that you need some help.  Have you considered what you would tell a friend if they were telling you this story?  I would say that you had every right to introduce yourself, what would the alternative be, hide?

What underlies the feeling that you owe your wife an apology?  Is it that you sense you did something wrong? Or that you are walking on eggshells?