|
Title: internalizing stage of abandonment Post by: disorderedsociety on December 06, 2017, 09:44:21 PM This is where I'm at. I can list a ton of different [valid] reasons for why I left, why it didn't work out. But none of them I find acceptable and look for new ways to make it my fault. I feel the anger sometimes, and most days if I am actively busy I can keep my mind off it and stop doubting myself. But once I'm alone it sets in again.
I want to get through it and learn, but this seems to be a roadblock of sorts... .The only thing I can come to logically is that it's my own abandonment wound. Besides good diet and exercise, what are some ways to drag oneself out of this mentally? I found this, which seems to fit me right now: https://www.huffingtonpost.com/susan-anderson/what-is-outer-child-12-ti_b_7113606.html “You save yourself or you remain unsaved.” Cheers Title: Re: internalizing stage of abandonment Post by: ynwa on December 07, 2017, 02:20:30 AM Hey Disordered, sounds like you have a case of the "detachies" right?
It is not easy to let your mind wander, about anything really. But since we have this place in all of us that ws magical and powerful, and nothing else is going on we turn to it. In simple terms, there is nothing on TV, so we re-watch that movie, that we thought we liked but with each viewing gets a bit crap. It never occurs to us to just turn off the tv and do something else right? Are you saying you miss the person, or the relationship? Or the lack of a current one. Or all the above? I am the same way, more often than not and I feel you, but that article, it is pretty revealing at showing us that the Road Less Travelled is ignored for some pretty obvious reasons. as for "dragging" yourself out, almost anything will work. you do have to work at it, and it sounds like you are. Creating something with your hands, sharing a new experience with a friend, baking a cake. What are some of your ideas? Title: Re: internalizing stage of abandonment Post by: disorderedsociety on December 07, 2017, 11:45:06 AM Hey Disordered, sounds like you have a case of the "detachies" right? It is not easy to let your mind wander, about anything really. But since we have this place in all of us that ws magical and powerful, and nothing else is going on we turn to it. In simple terms, there is nothing on TV, so we re-watch that movie, that we thought we liked but with each viewing gets a bit crap. It never occurs to us to just turn off the tv and do something else right? Are you saying you miss the person, or the relationship? Or the lack of a current one. Or all the above? I am the same way, more often than not and I feel you, but that article, it is pretty revealing at showing us that the Road Less Travelled is ignored for some pretty obvious reasons. as for "dragging" yourself out, almost anything will work. you do have to work at it, and it sounds like you are. Creating something with your hands, sharing a new experience with a friend, baking a cake. What are some of your ideas? Yeah getting up in the morning, getting into a routine... .these things help. I look for things that might have caused anxiety back in the relationship such as actual vitamin supplements or medication that I was prescribed, and pin it all on that. Then I have to actually look at my overall behavior back then (scary.) Then I have to self-comfort where I tell myself it's irrational, and I look at how I actually -felt- (this is hard) back then and how I feel now when I'm doing my thing (routine) and it puts it in perspective. Then the self-improvement/changing codependent behaviors comes into action and you start to treat yourself better and better. I actually don't miss the relationship or the person, all I like to think of about them is how lame they were. A relationship? I know if I do the real hard work, I can enjoy one later, but more importantly enjoy myself in the process (once past self-flagellating thoughts completely... .omm) |