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We broke up a month ago, and then she went into a relationship with some American she met on a PSN game, a week later. Messy ___ has happened since then, accusations, Family members blocking her etc. We resolved a lot of that, and I know, I shouldn't, But I want her back, I think we can make it work. She said she wants me to tell her about my mother and her hospital appointments. Because "She still cares" and wants to send us a Christmas card. I'm sending her one, just a funny elf card. I miss her so much. She's wasting her time on that dude. We're in England.
What do I do

Hi TonettaTheGreat,

You say it's been a month since your breakup. What have you been doing since then? Are you wanting to move forward and heal from this? Are you holding out hope you might get back together? Does she live in a different country from you? Have you been doing the workshops here and reading the articles to help you gain understanding about what you've been experiencing?

wishing you peace, pearlsw.

Hi TonettaTheGreat,

Welcome *welcome*,

I"m sorry that you have broken up. It sounds like your gf is ok with remaining in contact. Is she still dating this other guy? Is she telling you she wants to work things out with you or is she saying she wants to remain friends?

She is, But I am not. I don't want to see her dating that guy. And yeah, as far as I know, She's blocked me on all social media lmao.

pearlsw asked some great questions about moving forward. What are you doing to help yourself heal?

Hi,

Before fixing the relationship and her you should fix yourself. If you are in desperation nothing will work. If it is difficult, you trick yourself that she will be back when you are stronger and not caring that much. Because this level is addiction level, get rid of your addiction then you will have chance to fix it. I think most BPD people comes back if you are strong.

I just sent her a friendly Christmas card. She's got a new boyfriend, has done for a month, I've given up all hope.

One cannot have a boyfriend in a month. It will more likely to fail, but be very careful it can destroy your feelings again.

I think you should move on, you will be finding somebody less than a month dont worry.

Hi TonettaTheGreat,

I was in your same situation most of the late summer/fall. It was agony and I know what you are going through. With  a lot of help from this forum, I was able to stay strong and learn about BPD, work on myself. I didn’t know what that meant for a while but it helped when I realized that it was his loss and I just told myself that he knows it too.

In my situation, I feel like there was a lot of shame on his part when he left (suddenly). He needed confidence. It’s a tough thing to take when you give so much and you know they are in poor relationships that they  chose over your own.

This is just my opinion... .but what I did was only reach out if he reached out first. I didn’t beg or ask a lot of questions. Just let her be and it’s likely she will reach out to you. Sometimes this break is a good thing because you get to see the dynamic working in your relationship, and you can build on it. It’s soo hard. His new gf only lasted 4 months but was rocky after the first two. It’s not based on anything solid.

Hi,

I just god from my ex red light. She clearly declared that she doesnt want me and she is not considering with me anything. After 2 years it was like blink of an eye with almost no sign. It is harsh but guys dont think of that they will fail in next relationship and they will come to you. This is emotionally destroying you and your personality. I think everybody should go on and never see this people anytime in their life.

Everything is very unexpected, I have never had that big depressions in my life, this is inhumane. Thinking of that they will fail and comeback to you is also not inhumane too. We are not that weak, obviously you cannot find the same standard men/women very quickly but it is just matter of time.

I started to date with somebody already, whose personality is nice and I feel safe. She is not attractive as her for me in terms of her life and look but I feel safe. These BPD people are dangerous for our mental health, I think I need quite a long time to heal.