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Title: How to stop devaluation and trigger valuation Post by: pest on December 23, 2017, 07:41:17 AM Hi,
Can you please explain according to your experiences how borderlines able to devalue so quickly? Do they value back the people that they devalued once? My ex, she almost changed everybody around her. Just few certain people exist but she doesnt see them frequently. Is this healthy? Does she see me in the same way? What am I once she devalue me? Thanks Title: Re: How to stop devaluation and trigger valuation Post by: Turkish on December 24, 2017, 11:21:52 PM A wounded and hurt person will seek solace from their pain. The extreme valuation is the flip side of devaluation. Often uncontrollable emotions lie at the core of BPD.
My ex left me for a young football jock and married him. About two years after that, she asked to come back (devaluing him, and he doesn't know that she asked me). She was seeking a safe landing both in leaving me and also leaving him. How much it hurt both of us did register, but soothing herself was the primary driver. My ex was still attached to me since we have little kids. She was also financially sheltered in her r/s with me, not so in her marriage. Title: Re: How to stop devaluation and trigger valuation Post by: pest on December 25, 2017, 07:23:37 AM A wounded and hurt person will seek solace from their pain. The extreme valuation is the flip side of devaluation. Often uncontrollable emotions lie at the core of BPD. My ex left me for a young football jock and married him. About two years after that, she asked to come back (devaluing him, and he doesn't know that she asked me). She was seeking a safe landing both in leaving me and also leaving him. How much it hurt both of us did register, but soothing herself was the primary driver. My ex was still attached to me since we have little kids. She was also financially sheltered in her r/s with me, not so in her marriage. I believe I will have something similar in the future. However, maybe it was a perfect decision she left me. With her it is almost impossible to have long run relationship. If she wouldn't left me we may have a more serious affair then It could be even harder for me. They dont see how they devalue and value right? I told her this about how she deals with her friends, she doesnt accept it. She blames them and saying that they have changed. Title: Re: How to stop devaluation and trigger valuation Post by: Turkish on December 28, 2017, 11:55:03 PM My ex kind of sees it, but still can't control it. A dBPD I know doesn't see it and at 42, is still finding drama in her life. It's sad, like the answers are there, but the pattern remains the same.
Title: Re: How to stop devaluation and trigger valuation Post by: pest on December 30, 2017, 02:57:06 AM My ex kind of sees it, but still can't control it. A dBPD I know doesn't see it and at 42, is still finding drama in her life. It's sad, like the answers are there, but the pattern remains the same. I am diagnosed with ADHD lately. I think it was a reason which triggered her. When I go back place where I live I will be seeing a doctor to start medication. She says she is very calm and confident now. I dont beleive it one can feel like this in a very short period of time after living and commiting together for 2 years. |