BPDFamily.com

Hello
My 19 yr old daughter was just recently diagnosed with borderline. She has had 3 diagnoses since age 14. Major depression, bipolar disorder and now borderline. The bipolar was ruled out. Her most recent diagnosis is borderline, major depression and anxiety. I have had a hard time with the diagnosis as the report states that part of the cause is emotional abuse. This is a hard one to take-I am
Overwhelmed
With guilt. My husband and I suspected borderline for years. I hope it’s not too late for treatment to work. My daughter hates DBT - she was in residential at age 16. She received dbt at residential. She is seeing a therapist who said they will be doing some education on BPD. Is it too late? Where do we go from here?

Sorry to hear about your frustations. Been there. DBT did not work. We reevaluated her medicines. In addition to her current medications we started Abilify and added Neoplaton for birth control believing hormones influenced her mood swings. We saw immediate results.  There is a genetic blood test available but not covered by insurance to help your doctors select the most effective medicine your daughter. (Cost $350) This will save you valuable time and experimentation with various drugs.  Also, learn about "grey rock" and Dr. Phil's commando parenting technique. You are not her friend. Do not be afraid to say no because of her reactions or you will be walking the edge everyday in fear.  You must learn how to say no properly using SET.  I can tell you her life has turned around But ONLY AFTER my husband and I learned how to be grey rocks!  Good luck.

Xx

Hi Daisy123:
I'm so sorry about what's going on with your daughter.


Can you share more about "the report" that talks about emotional abuse.  Is this a specific report, relative to your daughter and specific abusive events?  Or, is it just some printed generic material that is handed out to family of patients?

Hello Partridge and No-One,
Thank you for the information on Grey Rock. I read up on Grey Rock and it makes so much sense. It is just such a challenge remaining outside of the drama especially when the the language from my DD19 goes south.

As for the extensive report-it was hard reading how my daughter's environment at a young age was considered unsafe due to turbulent marriage issues and alcoholism. My husband and I are both 9 years sober. So I have had a definite role in creating her borderline personality disorder.  The report states that our home lacked safety and there was "emotional abuse" due to "bad tempers"  What is most important and painful to me is that this is what my daughter remembers.  We didn't hit her, call her names or yell at her-what we did do was fight in front of her often.  I feel so guilty and ashamed.
Now I have a daughter who has been injured because of what I had done.

Daisy123:

Congrats on your 9 years of sobriety!

Generally, people with substance abuse are trying to handle something in an unhealthy way.  Many times, it can be mental health issues that lead people to self-medicate by abusing alcohol or drugs.  Perhaps both you and your husband have genetics that pass on a tendency for anxiety and depression?  Have you or your husband ever been diagnosed with a mental health issue?

The root cause of BPD for a given individual is generally based on speculation.  There is no exact way of knowing, and everyone's situation is a bit different. As with your daughter, people generally have multiple diagnoses prior to getting a BPD label. BPD can be environmental or it can be genetic, neurological or a combination of these.

The past circumstances could have contributed towards your daughter's condition, but there could well be a predisposition for your daughter to have had mental health issues anyway.  BPD rarely stands alone.  One theory is that when mental health issues such as anxiety, depression, bipolar, ADD/ADHD, OCD and others go unmanaged, the stage is set for BPD to evolve. 

DBT can teach people to manage their emotions.  DBT skills can be helpful to anyone.  Perhaps it might be beneficial to have your daughter define what she hates about DBT.  Perhaps there is a better way to deliver it or focus more on the elements she likes.  If she gains a positive experience about some DBT exercises, she might open up to pursuing more.

It might help for you to learn a bit about what is involved in DBT.  You can explore DBT at the following website:  www.dbtselfhelp.com

Is your daughter on some meds to help manage depression and/or anxiety?  It can, sometimes, be hard to find a med that works for an individual.  If you can get a handle on the anxiety, depression or other health issues that meds can assist with, a person can be more receptive to DBT therapy or other types of therapy.

Thanks No-One,
I will definitely look at that website. I am taking time
this holiday break to learn as much about BPD and I appreciate any reading suggestions. As for genetics, both sides of the family including myself suffer from mental illnesses. I have anxiety and bipolar disorder. This is why we thought our dd had this as well.

Hi Daisy123:
After getting an overview of DBT, you might want to try some of the strategy yourself.  Check out some of the mental exercises, one at a time.  The "Improve the Moment" worksheet, at the link below, can be a valuable resource for anyone:
www.dbtselfhelp.com/html/improve_the_moment_worksheet.html

The links below will take you to a couple of DBT books you might want to buy:

DBT® Skills Training Handouts and Worksheets: Second EditionMarsha M. Linehan
https://www.guilford.com/books/DBT-Skills-Training-Handouts-and-Worksheets/Marsha-Linehan/9781572307810

DBT® Skills Manual for Adolescents
Jill H. Rathus and Alec L. Miller
Foreword by Marsha M. Linehan
https://www.guilford.com/books/DBT-Skills-Manual-for-Adolescents/Rathus-Miller/9781462515356/contents