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christmas day is always fraught with sadness but yesterday was particularly sad. 25 year old daughter slipped away to her bedroom after present opening and has not left bed since. Refuses food and attention. Brother brought home new girlfriend for the holidays. Feeling this triggered feelings of abandonment. sadness permeates the house.

Welcome, Debri!   Sorry for the circumstances that bring you on board.

I fully understand when you write... ."Christmas Day is always fraught with sadness."   We spent one of our anniversaries out on the streets looking for our, then, 12-year old daughter.  That was the beginning.  So much more has followed and for years I have cringed at the thought of birthdays, Christmas, etc. being on the horizon because I could feel/see things starting to happen with our uBPD daughter. 

While it seems our daughter's objective was to "punish" us, I firmly believe it has been her way of punishing herself.  Could be the case with your daughter, too?

While it is nice to read that your son came home for the holidays with a new girlfriend, I am sure you had mixed feelings as your daughter's actions put a damper on this joyous occasion.  Once again, I am sorry this had to happen.

There are no words to take away your heartache, Debri, but all of us really do know of that pain.  You have come to the right place to find you are not alone and to get the support you need to start making changes.  First, you have to look after YOU... .and that takes work.  There is so much information (see to the right |---> to help get you on track.  See under "Lessons"... ."If your current approach is not working... .change it." 

Do you have family/friends for support, Debri?  Has your daughter ever been assessed or had professional help?

Here is a ((HUG)) for you, Debri.  Hope you keep posting.

Huat

 

Sorry you had to find us. I am glad you are reaching out. Maybe you can tells more about your situation.

My christmas was sad too. I have chosen to re-frame it. I am taking all the bad and setting it aside as best I can in lieu of the good. It was likely my mom's last christmas and yet my siblings didn't want her with them! Re-framed from dumped on me to take responsibility to YAY I got mom for christmas. I was broke and couldn't buy gifts so I re-gifted things of my own re-framed to decluttering and seeing my beloved objects loved by others. My family ignores mom and I all day (their loss) to wow what a peaceful day.

Sometimes when our pwBPD withdraw they are hurting us sometimes they are just overwhelmed sometimes it just doesn't matter. We have to live our happy lives to the best of our abilities despite them.

I hope your boxing day is happier. I am planning to wash all yesterdays dishes (no dishwasher in my little old house) and drink the wine my friend gave me yesterday. I shall raise a toast to you and yours.

 

I'm sorry. My BPD dd is only 18, but I know all to well all of the hours she spends retreating behind her closed bedroom door is a dark room, under bed covers. I hope you don't let it sap your energy and attention from everything else going on. I've made peace with it. My DD sometimes can cope with family gatherings in smaller amounts of time than neurotypical people, and I have chosen to simply accept that. She does the best she can, and that is OK with me. It's not being disruptive or disrespectful for her to remove herself from a gathering. I'm just kind to her about it, always inviting her to join but OK if and when she chooses not to. And I focus on enjoying others company. If certain people think I am being rude and not doing anything or enough to "make her" be present, they just don't understand, and that's their problem, not mine.