BPDFamily.com

I've been with my wife since 2009 now. At first, I didn't realize that something was wrong. As soon as we moved in together, I met her true personality traits: unpredictable behaviors.

Some days she is lovely, other days just mean. We have a child together of young age. I've dealt with her infidelity, lies, rage and so on... .everytime I want to leave, she becomes nicer and I start to feel confused about my next steps.

BPD is awful!

Hey Mandingo77, welcome to the family!

So, yeah, should I stay or should I go? Probably THE most common question here and also the most complicated. I wish there was a simple answer. Heck, I wish there was AN answer. But it’s so complicated and it gets even more complicated with kids.

So let me ask you - what’s the biggest issue you’re facing right now? How do you react when that issue comes up? Tell us a little more about what happens day to day and maybe we can help give direction?

My biggest issues now is that every once in a while she acts as if she can't stand my every steps. I do chores but it's never enough and her mood swings affect my mind.

To top it all, we no longer have intimacy so deep in my heart I know I should leave... but I'm scared for my daughter. My wife can be an emotional bully. Even to her. She doesn't have the patience for kids at certain moments. She has good values but once her alter ego kicks in, our house turns into a dark place.

We can't even discuss financial matters because she will crumble and it will stress her, that's why she's in debt right now and I'm back to financial stability.

I tried putting limits, but it only isolate us two because we have different agendas and she just want to ignore serious matters because of the stress it brings. Sorry for the long text, that's how overwhelming this household has become.

I wanted to make it work but it seems the first years are just gone and she is who she is.

I am really sorry you're going through this. Much of what you've described is happening in my own relationship, too. So I really understand how hard this is. I also feel really really confused most of the time. I have no idea what to do, either.

What I've found is that your wife is everything you see. She's the wonderful person you remember. She's the mean and cruel person, too. And it changes from day to day, minute to minute, but all of those things are inside of her. The reason I say this, and the reason it's important, is that you might get those great days again, but you can just as easily and just as quickly get the bad days.

I've also found myself in deep financial trouble because instead of following a responsible financial agenda, I left it up to her strategies of avoiding the hard decisions and ignoring the consequences. I knew better, but I followed her lead anyway, and that's what happens when we twist our lives against our better judgement.

I also have a 4 year old daughter who gets the "attentive" mom some days and the "I can't be bothered" mom other days. I've watched my daughter break down in tears because Mom couldn't follow the bedtime rituals - whatever argument we were in the middle of was more important, and if she couldn't finish the argument with me, she wasn't going to do anything for anyone.

Having said all of that, my life has improved quite a bit since I started looking at things from the perspective of, "what can I do to move things forward for myself?" - because in the end, we can change a lot of things about ourself if we know who we are and what we want, but we can't change anyone else, no matter how hard we try.

Have you taken a look at the perspective articles on the right hand side of this page? Several of them are at the link What does it take to make it (https://bpdfamily.com/portfolio-4-cols). If you have a minute, take a look at a few of those and see what you think.