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Title: Not Sure What to Do Post by: 2manycats on December 31, 2017, 06:16:24 AM Hello. I’m looking for advice regarding my BPD wife of 19 years... .
My therapist thinks my short-term memory issues are the result of emotional distancing that I have been employing to avoid causing conflict with my wife. Things were not “sticking” because I was not fully engaged, not because of any neurological issues (which I had checked due to a family history of Alzheimer’s). Well when I told my wife this she went into a meltdown, assuming this meant I was checking out of the marriage and going to leave her. She drank half a bottle of vodka then proceeded to write me a long, hate-filled email, followed by a series of texts, that essentially blamed me for everything. This was followed by cutting up most of my clothes and credit cards. To top it off, she took 40-50 Clonazepam so I ended up taking her to the ER. She is in-patient at a mental health facility at the moment due to the suicide attempt. Where I was not looking to escape the marriage before, I definitely am now. The problem is that I am the sole income-earner and I can’t get over the feeling of obligation to support her, which I don’t think she can do without me. She was seeing a therapist and seemed to be making good progress until this happened. At some point she will be discharged from the facility and I’m not really sure if I can deal with it anymore. Thanks for listening to my rant. Title: Re: Not Sure What to Do Post by: an0ught on January 01, 2018, 11:38:59 AM Hello 2manycats,
wow, what a mess she made in a short time . Dealing with suicide attempts absolutely sucks and my heart goes out to you . End of year time is always hard on BPD relationship and with some triggering news from your doctors visit is sounds she broke down. Right now she is in care so use the time to take good care of yourself . Can you reach out to a friend or commit getting a T for yourself? Whether breaking up or staying it is vital to have some support for changes and a backup for emergencies. Witnessing a suicide attempt can be traumatizing and it sounds like you are struggling on that side already . Excerpt Well when I told my wife this she went into a meltdown, assuming this meant I was checking out of the marriage and going to leave her. Communicating with a person suffering from BPD can be challenging. Some "facts" carry significant emotional baggage or trigger deep fears. At times difficult topics can be handled in a safer way using S.E.T. technique (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=143695.0) but we can never be sure we won't trigger something. It is a fallacy to blame the trigger for the size of the explosion - there was a lot of volatile stuff silently stored waiting for a spark.Excerpt She was seeing a therapist and seemed to be making good progress until this happened. At some point she will be discharged from the facility and I’m not really sure if I can deal with it anymore. Thanks for listening to my rant. This is no rant but a valid cry for help You have a right to be listened to and feel safe.Excerpt She drank half a bottle of vodka then proceeded to write me a long, hate-filled email, followed by a series of texts, that essentially blamed me for everything Is she regularly drinking too much?*welcome*, a0 Title: Re: Not Sure What to Do Post by: Tattered Heart on January 03, 2018, 11:52:15 AM Hi 2manycats,
I'm so sorry that you had to experience such an extreme response from your wife. Is this the first time she has tried to kill herself? How are you doing after witnessing this? I would like to second what an0ught said in getting a T for yourself. It can really help you process through everything that has happened and maybe even help you figure out what direction to go in your relationship. |