BPDFamily.com

Hello,
I have a D 19 yo recently DX with BPD. It likely started at age 14 or so and she hid it well behind the teenage angst and withdrawal from us. I have always felt that I was a "present mom".  I have asked her how she was feeling and tried what I thought was support for her to make her own decisions and "stood next to her"when she was upset... In the last two years things are nuts here. She starts arguments with her dad and if she does not like what he says she turns to blame me that her dad made her mad. She pushes and pushes and then gets soo upset the only way she stops (even with me calmly saying she needs to calm down) is to threaten suicide! She is so critical of me and no one else and says she wants me to feel guilt for what I have done and that I need help to help her. She has abused me verbally and physically and I have had to call the police.  Yes she lies.She says it is all my fault and I have to fix it all for her! "I did not want to be born- you are the adult and not allowed to get mad at me" etc... .I sense after reading some posts here that you all have had very similar experiences. She says she will never get a job - you brought me into the world so you have to take care of me is what she says, and is going to University part time and doing very well, actually and wants to do psychological research. I am really sick and tired of the mothers being blamed and blamed and blamed for everything. Yes she is hypersensitive, no I don't feel she was at all abused or neglected and when she was small she would not let me and my husband go out for a "date" she was so anxious. I sat with her a lot and now realise I let her control me and my H for the last 19 yrs.

I sit with her when she is upset. I feel she is triggered by a social/relationship issue outside of me then turns on me. And when I name it, ie are you upset about a friend?she freaks out.  When I try to remove my self from the situation/conflict escalation, she runs after me! I tell her " I don't feel we should continue this discussion right now until we have calmed down. Well then she says " when will that be? give me a time right now when you are going to talk to me... .and she follows me around the house like this and corners me. It is scary!

I hate that I don't want to see her at all, I don't want to come home as I am shaking out of anxiety.
I know she is unwell. I have told her since age 14 to get psychological help but only since January 2016, she has some help. She will be going to a DBT outpt treatment facility for group and individual therapy, but it is for 20 weeks. Is that long enough for a lifetime of stress?
Thanks for listening. I am soo tired and scared and fed up. I have no life and don't have anyone to discuss with as I am hesitant to discuss with friends for fear they will say it is all my fault too.

I don't think that any parent unless very ill themselves, sets out to intentionally hurt their child and what about the abuse we parents suffer and how horrible family life is with BPD in the house.
I am angry and sad.

Hello
I am new to this forum and grateful for you sharing your experiences. These experiences echo a lot of what I have been through myself with my adult D. Know that you're not alone and that there are many like me who can help by sharing our own challenges and strategies in coping. Speaking out about your struggles is a great step in being able to move forward with greater clarity and feeling of support. I hope that the new year makes you feel renewed and ready to face greater challenges.

Recently, I realized that not all challenges should be given our attention and value. You value this challenge. That shows how important your child is to you and it can only have positive results. Don't give up!