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I'm feeling good about where I am at in life, even though there are some areas with persistent sadness and disappointment.


1.  My relationships with my children have been on a long upswing for a while.  I'm looking to build momentum there.  My focus continues to be learning who they are and what they are about.  To spend time with them for the sake of spending time.  And every once in a while give them a nudge or pass on some wisdom.  Today I had a 17 year old asking about cars, financing, insurance... .car buying tips.  Yeah... .came and asked me.  I'm still pinching myself.

2.  SSDI has been fully approved, looks like benefits are totally set up or at worst another month of tinkering around about medicare.  I may do an application for a benefit due to the "combat related" nature of most of my disabilities.  It would essentially make my pension tax free.  Still investigating some.  But really... .it would look like that is the end of the applications.  It's been a long road and I'm very thankful for a lot of help I got from the American Legion and other disabled vets that went before me.

3.  It's obvious I can't do real estate side business at the level I have been used to.  I've sold some and look to unload several more properties this year.  Market seems favorable.

4.  I've got a semester of a MBA program behind me.  A long time ago I had applied and the VA finally approved "vocational rehabilitation" for me.  I hope that in a couple years I can have a MBA in my back pocket, side business real estate downsized and perhaps pick up consulting work to put my MBA to work.  Perhaps earn enough to come off SSDI.

5.  I have some legal matters that continue to move forward and most of the momentum seems to be going in my favor.  I'm hopeful for a settlement but prepared to continue marching forward.  If you remember years back the momentum was going the other way and my wife contacted the other side/betrayed me.  Boundaries and her apparent inability to come to terms with the "meaning" of her actions have her basically ignoring these matters.

6.  I'm looking forward to children earning their bachelors degree this year (another big milestone... ).  It would appear graduate education is on the way next for them. 

7.  Family farm.  Wow... .  The decisions really are mine now.  Sure, my Dad "let" me make decisions before but he was always there... .I knew I had backup.  I miss him and "see" him when I look at the barns, tractors...  

8.  My wife.  I seem to be better at enjoying her company when she is being pleasant and with a quick blink of the eye, move on to other relationships when she wants to be a crank.  An idea has been batted about to go to an "intensive" marriage counseling thing, probably sometime in the spring.  Basically a couple days of a "retreat" format.  My wife is generally the one pushing this.  P and I are evaluating.  My guess is I will participate. 


9.  OK... .this has to do with my wife... .but I'm going to put nine as "BPDish behavior".   Boundaries have taken away most of the tools she used to use to cause havoc.  I don't "react" much anymore.  She seems a bit lost many times when she offers "bait" and I don't "bite" for an argument.

Anyway... .was thinking about my life... .sort of organizing my thoughts and wanted to post.

FF

You certainly have made some huge progress, FF. You’ve taken life’s lemons and made lemonade or in your neck of the woods—sweet tea. Congratulations! It’s taken a lot of hard work, faith, and persistence on your part. And now you’re enjoying the fruits of your efforts.

Keep up the good work, FF!  Decline to engage.  LuckyJim