BPDFamily.com

Yep, I got an email from Hw/BPD telling me/insisting that I had sex with his brother... .while our son watched.

I was so thrown off by this, but then I realized Oh My, he was projecting what he did with his sister-in-law a long time ago with her baby in the car.

I've been blamed for a lot of things, and am just now realizing it's projection. This is so crazy I don't even know where to begin!

Thankfully, both of us are in serious therapy because... .loony tunes.

Prayers for us all!


 

Oh goodness... .where to begin... .please accept my virtual hug.     

It's a hug of understanding... .

Likely you don't know my story... .I'll try to make it quick.  I once took my wife to McDonalds to introduce her to my Baby Momma and the baby that was named with my wife's first name.  That proved how clever I was because I could have a baby the same name as my wife and "sneak" that baby onto my insurance and my wife and the world would be non the wiser.

I was so close to figuring out how to have my cake and it it too... .if only my wife hadn't figured me out...        

Ok... .big breath.  Take another one.

Can you "start" by deciding not to start.  Don't do anything about it for a couple days.  Let's use those few days to get to know each other and better understand a "healthy" way to respond.

FF

Prepare for the "proxies" to enter the picture, if they are not there yet.  These are the delusional intelligence assets who can "prove" your  transgressions, but of course they will never be produced... .

"My friend saw you at her house - and she recorded you on her security cameras that never get erased... "   
"OK - let's go and ask her about that, since I have not even been on that street in  a decade."
"No - I don't want to bother her when she is at home... ."

"my friend, who works in security at your company, said you were parked in the back of the lot with another woman"
"what is this person's name?  I'd like to speak to them, since I have never had a woman in the car with me at work"
"I am not going to tell you, I don't want to ruin my friendship with her"

Over and over and over again - these "proxies" seem to be some validation of their delusions for them.   

Wow! This is really messed up... .and I can relate to this as well. My uexBPD\NPD tries this from time to time.

He'll write things like "everybody knows you did <insert something inane here>... they saw it and I have proof!" Yet I never get to see this "proof".  He will also claim our last marriage counselor will release her notes to my family proving to them that I'm crazy. Yeah right. I seriously doubt any legitimate counselor/therapist would do this. He says he has the transcript from our divorce proceedings and says he loves how the judge called me deplorable. I know that didn't happen. The judge said no such thing. In fact, the judge called him out on his blatant attempts at parental alienation.

It's seems so crazy at times. I agree it's probably all projection and maybe some gaslighting attempts. I'm learning to ignore it. He won't listen to me anyway. He's gotten caught in many lies (with proof) yet he says I'm the liar and he doesn't believe anything I say. What. Ever. Walk away.

Walking away and ignoring can sometimes be inflaming to a situation.

Think about and practice "shrugging your shoulders verbally".

So, perhaps all of these proxies are mentioned... .

"Oh goodness... (pause)... well, it would seem there are some here to help us understand.  Perhaps it's time to involve a third party... "  let that hang there.

Your should be "befuddled"... .as if scratching your head about what to do? 

To be clear... if there is acceptance to go to third party... .it should not be a proxy. 

"Ok babe... I hope someone can help us sort this out.  I'll call our minister to set up a meeting."

when there is pushback... stick with befuddled.  "Oh... help me understand why our minister isn't a good neutral third party?"

FF