BPDFamily.com

Hi all,

I have been in a "relationship" with a woman for 20+ years.   

We got together in our 20's stayed together for 4 years.  It was a roller coaster.  Throughout the years our paths would cross.   All the feelings were always still there for both of us.  We would discuss getting back together but it always got difficult.   Yeah, codependency was my pattern.  But being aware of that I work on it, even during the years we didn't see each other.   Also did my own therapy. 
Got a call Christmas evening... .

Hi Wideawake123,

It seems as if you may have been interrupted mid-post... .Is there more you want to share with us?

Are you currently involved with this woman you mention? What have you been doing to address the issues of codependency?

wishing you well, pearlsw.

Lol   Not interrupted.  That is where I left the introduction.

I didn't answer the call that night.  The next day I msged her and within a few mins it was a 2 hour phone call.

We have visited with each other a few times.  I am wiser than I was when last we met.  I would like to have a relationship with her, and she said the same.  We are both intelligent enough to start with that, however emotions always play a roll.

She called the other night and stated she ddn't know if she should have called me, there was a feral cat howling outside of her door.  Or maybe she should call the police.  Already in bed on a sub zero winter night, I suggested the thing to do was call the police.  After I hung up, I dressed and put on my shoes, then called her back.  She was very quiet on the phone, said don't worry the are on their way on hung up.

I get it.  She sees me as letting her down.   I left a rather tame msg the next afternoon asking how the situation turned out.  No reply.   Of course it is driving me 'round the bend.

But this, of course not out of our regular pattern.  Except this time I have a couple of tools I din't have before.

I am going to stay in contact.   But I could always use advice and support.   Very glad I found this page :)

Hi all,

Well it was just a matter of time, right?.  We have been doing well since re connecting.  Lots of great communication.  Seeming level headedness on both parts.  Well something happened at her work.  Some one mentioned they knew we were seeing each other.  We are both very private and this is disturbing to the both of us.

I don't  like it but I can put it in perspective.  Silly rumors and gossip are a low level activity and not going to change my outlook on life.  She of course sees this a a major betrayal.  

NOW... .she won't return communication with me.  It has only been a week.  I am hoping for the storm to pass or a least fade.

What, where, how do I deal with this?    :)ialog has been incredible up until this.    

I'm sorry wideawake123.
So do you and your pwBPD work together?

Usually the best thing to do when a pwBPD goes NC is to just give them a little space. It's hard to do. It sounds like this might be a little blip on the screen and she is having a hard time coping with her feelings of betrayal. Hopefully she will come around soon. How are you handling things?

Whew... .Thanks for your response.

Times like this is when talking with someone helps.  We don't work together.  We live in a small town.

I am hoping this is a blip and will pass.  I even look forward to discussing the situation with her.  I am hoping this is a "cooling off" period.   But when this happens, the game playing of just cutting me off is cruel. 

I completely understand... .and I don't.

I want clear cut easy to understand rules>> LOL!

But talking with others helps.

So, please, keep talking to me.   :)