BPDFamily.com

Hello all you amazing Beacons of Compassion ~*~

My partner and i had been working with a internationally known therapist. He informed me that my partner has "strong tendencies of BPD" and to go to the BPDCentral site. One of the things that has been happening, is that my partner has been spreading lies about me to his friends. Our therapist suggested that i simply send the few people involved a message that says-

I am concerned that - my partner's name- had been spreading lies about me. We have been working with a therapist who supported me in sending this article- insert link to BPD Central. And, then say- The article is very compassion and solution based, which is the point of me sharing this with you. Take what you like and leave the rest. I care for ____ deeply and simply want to support him through better awareness. I knew there was a bigger issue happening, after the episode that happened in July. (They all know) I am relieved to know what is happening and how to best help with solutions.


So my question is- with higher functioning folks with BPD- the issues are usually not seen unless with the person's significant other, due to how the energy works within intimate relationships. How do i mention that in the short introduction? Because these people do not see how he gets, when they only see him once a week for an couple hours. Also, I would like to add that i have also heard this situation is also referred to as Communication Processing Disorder- bc it is all about what is a form of dyslexia. I have heard it is both audio and many times visual, as well. It is so hard to communicate and have the person understand what is being said- and that you are not judging and attacking them, and to simply know there has been a misunderstanding, to rise above it and to clarify what was heard. I mean- we all need to do this, bc most issues are caused by miscommunication.

Please let me know your thoughts on what to write in this message. I want to keep it very short, but with enough explanation to be clear.

Thank you and i am so grateful to find this support. I have been in relationship with my partner about a year and a half. I have chosen to back off and make things a friendship level, as of right now, because i want him to get deeper help. Also- how does one find good help and how on Earth does one get the person to do it? Does anyone have experience with becoming simply a friend with someone with BPD, after being an intimate partner? Do they change and stop with the trigger/reactions. I think this person is wonderful- in public and as just friends, bc he does not seem to get triggered, at that level of connection. And this is what i read in these articles on BPD- that the problems usually occur with intimate significant others.  If i had known, i would not have chosen to take the relationship to that level- because i really enjoy this man, when he is not triggered.

Thank you for your insight and inspiration! Enlighten me please, Enlightened :)

Hi Enlighten,

it is good that you two are working with a therapist. As you may well be aware the generally best course of action is individual therapy.

I would be somewhat concerned about sending this message for reason that you indicate a diagnosis. It is best to assume in this age that your partner sooner or later learns about your message and will feel betrayed by you and the T. Can you go slowly and maybe talk to the ones that truly matter to you and clarify the facts as you see them and the tendency to distort that at times lead to messages that may twist things?

*welcome*,
a0

Hi Enlighten,

Glad to have you with us! :)

I've read your post and am thoughtfully considering things... .I have to say I am leaning towards what anOught said to you that it is not such a good idea to send this post, and I have to admit that I am kinda surprised your therapist would even suggest such a thing. What is the goal here?

I think of an odd example from my childhood. A female friend of mine wanted to physically fight another friend of mine. She challenged her to do this in my own front yard! Her own mother was involved and present in instigating this fight. As I stood up to all of this nonsense she turned on me, called me names, and wanted to fight me first. I was younger and smaller but confident and I said fine to her challenge, go ahead and take a punch. Well, let's just say she never got her punch in. I "won" the fight pretty fast by blocking her attacks, hitting harder and taking her to the ground, and pinning her there until and she had no choice but to give up. But after that, she went and told the "whole world" that she had beaten me up so everyone thought what they thought. I dunno. I was advised not to say anything about it and I never did, and to be honest, I didn't care. She knows who got beat up that day, and it wasn't me. I was a teenager, and I didn't give a d**n what anyone thought because I knew the truth. You know the "truth" about your partner. Why do you think you feel a need to convince people about your opinion about your relationship?

My current partner's family blames most of the relationship problems on me too. I don't let it bother me. I just live my life, I know the truth as I see it. I have no energy or time to waste trying to convince them or get their sympathy - none of them are gonna help me anyway! I also don't need it because I am a confident person and I've got better ways to use my time. :)

Is there some compelling reason you have to take such a step? Would one on one conversations work better?

wishing you peace, pearlsw.