|
Title: I seem to keep going back for more after 7 years Post by: Feelinstronger on January 06, 2018, 07:29:03 PM I cannot believe I am back on these boards after an almost 18 month break. My BPD ex partner/fiance decided to bail and walk out early November, for like the 8th time. I was not shocked but nothing led up to his leaving! We had NC for nearly 10 weeks. This week we had a blizzard. He saw me shoveling this morning and drove by and said he would have his son come and clear my driveway-I politely declined. He returned, with his son, they did driveway and all walkways and left. I then receive a text telling me he did it for my dad, followed by another text that it was very irresponsible of me not to have it plowed! SO... .what I thought was an act of kindness was followed by an insult to me. I Just Dont Get It! This, after he texted my daughter on New Years Eve to say he missed us. I simply cannot wrap my head around this, yet still have trouble getting over this man who I have loved for 7 years.
Title: Re: I seem to keep going back for more after 7 years Post by: SlyQQ on January 06, 2018, 08:48:15 PM He was annoyed you initially spurned his offer, ( abandoment trigger pull )
So he couldn't help but come back and help then got angry you tricked him. ( the push away ) nothing new to about faces. Title: Re: I seem to keep going back for more after 7 years Post by: Turkish on January 07, 2018, 12:16:44 AM Excerpt He saw me shoveling this morning and drove by and said he would have his son come and clear my driveway-I politely declined. He passive-aggressively violated your boundaries. How do you think you can deal with this in the future? Title: Re: I seem to keep going back for more after 7 years Post by: gotbushels on January 09, 2018, 07:59:43 AM I was thinking along the same lines as Turkish.
... .He saw me shoveling this morning and drove by and said he would have his son come and clear my driveway-I politely declined. He returned, with his son, they did driveway and all walkways and left. ... . He disregarded your declining of his offer. But well done on keeping it polite.Title: Re: I seem to keep going back for more after 7 years Post by: Feelinstronger on January 09, 2018, 07:49:14 PM You would think I would anticipate or understand his responses by now. I really did not want him to do all the snow blowing as it was quite time consuming.
However if he did do me a kindness, ruining it by making a snarky remark was upsetting. Next time? I have no idea what to do! Part of me is convinced there wont be a next time, however I have been wrong every time- he always returns. Heaven knows that I still love the man, and I pray daily he eventually realizes he has issues that need to be dealt with. I truly do not know if I am capable of leaving him behind forever. So... .hmm... .I have issues, too. |