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Title: Help..I’m in FOG Post by: Letloverule on January 09, 2018, 10:51:10 AM I was typing out a different subject for this post and then it dawned on me that I’m in a strange fear,obligation,guilt situation.
I work for a company and boss that has continuously invested in me. I’m so thankful because these opportunities have got me promoted a couple of times. I’ve gained a lot of trust with my boss and I’m now an extension of her. She has given me an opportunity to get certified in a particular skill that I’m passionate about. This certification requires me to travel to a different state for classes one weekend a month for three months. When I shared this with my partner wBPD a few months ago, she got quite angry- “you are so inconsiderate for just blurting out that you have already made the decision to get on a plane and go somewhere for work on a weekend never acknowledging how that affects me and our time together” I tried hard to validate and get back on track but she was too angry (and it was right before a vacation together)- so she said please don’t bring this up during our vacation. It was left unresolved. I never brought it up again and now I’m getting close to needing to make travel arrangements. My FOG is preventing me from calmly bringing this up again and I keep chickening out every day. I can tell that her reaction before was abandonment fears and it will most definitely come back up again. Any suggested talking points would be appreciated. Title: Re: Help..I’m in FOG Post by: Tattered Heart on January 09, 2018, 12:25:54 PM Great job identifying FOG!
What is your biggest fear? Using SET (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=143695.0) You know she will feel abandoned, how can you address: 1) the feelings of abandonment first 2) let her know that you care about her and that you will not forget her while you are gone 3) telling her the truth about what you need to do and as an extra something you can do to make your coming home a special time for you both? |