BPDFamily.com

Hello there,

I have been feeling very confused over a guy I met at the end of June.  He approached me, he came on very strong- wanted me to meet his kids within 2-3 weeks of knowing him, which I thought was way too soon.   I had been out of a committed relationship of 5.5-6 years when I met him and was vulnerable, to say the Least!  My ex of 6 years and I share our daughter and we co-parent.   

The guy I met at the end of June has told me on a few lucid occasions that he knows he has issues- I am sure he has BPD.   He even suspects it, but I don't think he was ever formally diagnosed - just with anxiety and depression.   He FREAKS out over the Littlest of Things; it is very strange to me.   I've never dealt with anything like this Before.  So, he came on very, very strong - he even Cried, like hysterically cried, when he knew me for only about 4 WEEKS OR LESS, because he told me he had something to admit to me, and he made me Promise not to stop seeing him.  A few months later, he started acting more aloof and distant, and would sometimes say that He LIKES me - he Always wanted to spend time with me, with his kids and WITHOUT his kids also.   His children really liked me- And I really like kids, so that was not an issue.  But then he would say that I am "not his girlfriend."  But I have caught him staring at me/my face MANY Times, staring, as in, I like you romantically, Not as just a friend.  Even recently he's done that.  But sometimes when I feel him staring and look up, he will just look away and pretend he wasn't looking?  It's so strange!  I've also seen him act jealous with me- asking who is calling me and texting me.   I don't understand why he is now denying he likes me as more than a friend and being more distant.

I've never had a romantic involvement with anyone with BPD (that I'm aware of), but I really, really need some guidance and advice, because his behavior is SO Confusing to me - he blames everything on me too!  And he has said on multiple occasions that I caused him anxiety - but he seems like he was ALWAYS Anxious over Every Little THing- way before he even Knew Me?

I'm sorry for the long rant, this has just been mentally very taxing for me and I have no experience with this.   Any advice or feedback would be greatly appreciated!   

Thank you!

I'm sorry that you are getting mixed signals from this guy. I can imagine how confusing that must be. Have you had a direct conversation with him about how confused you are, asking him to just lay out what he wants out of the relationship?

When starting a new relationship with someone with BPD, it's important that you start off knowing your own boundaries and being able to stick to those, feel confident in speaking up about things that bother you, and learn how to communicate with the pwBPD in a way that they can understand. Our workshop on  The Dos and Dont's of a BPD Relationship  (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=62266.0) can help you get a better understanding of what that relationship looks like.

BPD Relationships often start out very quickly, as you've noted that you met his children in a short timeframe. We have a lesson about  How a BPD Relationship Evolves  (https://bpdfamily.com/content/how-borderline-relationship-evolves) that may help you begin to see patterns in your own relationship.