BPDFamily.com

My boyfriend just proposed to me on new year eve, since then I fell ill with a virus and was less than the usual bubbly person and my behaviour has been blown out of proportion to the point that he has said that he feels trapped in this relationship and he hates being in the same room as me.  If I suffer from a moment of stress or annoyance that has nothing to do with him he takes it personally and dictates that he will not suffer being spoken to in such a rude manner.

Example: I had lost my car keys and was aware he was waiting for me to leave which was making me feel a little stressed as I felt useless at having misplaced my car keys, when he came in asking me to turn off the lights before leaving (aware that I had asked if he knew where the keys were) I replied a little curtly 'yes I will when I have found my keys' and this then insited a couple of days of 'sending me to coventry' ie ignoring me. When asked why he was ignoring me I was told he would not tolerate me bursting out in a rage and talking to him in such a rude manner.

Exasperated... .not sure how to deal with this... .?

Give him space and don't be emotionally rattled by do so - be upbeat, calm, steady. Emotions are fleeting. Read this:

When the person with Borderline Personality Disorder becomes dysregulated or depressed. bpdfamily.com recommends that you give them the space to self sooth - not try to do it for them.  Take a deep breath and politely and non-aggressively disengage. It’s not easy to block out the distraction and emotional pleas for our attention, yet it is only with a critical pause that we can really stay on a constructive and healthy pathway.

This act is called extinction.
www.https://bpdfamily.org/2010/10/partner-have-borderline-personality.html

So what is going on in general?  Is he usually this highly sensitive? How do you normally react?

Thank you, very helpful advise and instinctually what I did and will now continue to do. Not taking it personally is challenging but not impossible. He is normally very sensitive and I have just suggested he spend more time on mindfullness, being more in touch with his intuitive self than his thinking brain via mediatation as then he may be more aware that I am not attacking him and merely in a normal state of flux. Any other advice for over sensitivity would be greatly appreciated.

how long have the two of you been together? are there any other sources of conflict in the relationship?

We have been together for 5 years now and are very well matched in that we share alot of the same interests and philosophies. How does one decide whether you can live with a person with BPD when they won't admit that there is anything wrong with them? I spend alot of time in tears and feeling less of a person than I actually am. I love him dearly but find it so difficult to overcome the way he puts me down and a few of my friends have noticed that I am not living up to the full character that they know me to be.