BPDFamily.com

My spouse has agreed to couples counseling and I am scared to death. Not of him but I am not even sure I want this relationship anymore. Over the holidays he wanted space to stop his mind from racing. I gave him space to allow that and for my own sanity as he had been raging since before thanksgiving about my lack of support for his depression and our son who was home for the holidays. He had just gotten of meds that he'd been on for 5 years for depression. My therapist suggested based on his symptoms that I've  shared... .That  my spouse more than likely has BPD. Well now that Ive given him space, It has given me an opportunity to step back to see all the things that I've tolerated over the years. Mood swings... .raging over little things... .His inability to seem to get any joy out of life... .His inability to get along with people and enjoy friendships. For years I have covered up for these behaviors and now that I've had time to reflect and suggest couples counseling I'm thinking, what am I doing? Is couples counseling going to work or send him back into depression/ raging behavior because he can't process the slighted criticism. He's a great provider and prides himself on taking care of our family, but he can literally suck the joy out of life with his moods. Has anyone out there experienced success with couples counseling with someone who has never been formally diagnosed with BPD? All the signs are there. I'm hoping that couples counseling will lead him to getting therapy on his own so that he will be properly diagnosed. Thanks for listening

Hey Dreamer5, I don't see any particular downside to couples counseling, but if your spouse has BPD, I wouldn't go into it with the expectation that you are going to "solve" the riddle that is BPD.  In fact, those w/BPD are extremely reluctant to take responsibility for their disorder, so you may find that's it's an exercise in frustration.  As to whether to stay or go, only you know whether the r/s is right for you.  What makes you question whether you want to remain in the r/s?

LuckyJim

I am currently in couples counseling with my BPD partner, and it is helping A LOT. The focus is not on his BPD, it's never even really talked about as is, but the sessions are about CBT and EFT and helping us to address and resolve conflict constructively. Even after a few visits, it has made a huge, positive difference. And my partner was in emotional dire straits prior to this. He actually enjoys the sessions, which was a both a surprise and a relief to me. I second the suggestion that you should give it a try - you may find that it helps, and things get better. Best of luck to you!