BPDFamily.com

Hi fam,

I've gotten lots of advice from reading this forum but this is my first post on here.

My girlfriend and I have been together in a committed long distance relationship for about 3 months.

A couple days ago everything was fine in our messaging until she stopped responded and so a few hours later i called to say hey. she didn't answer but called me back hours later and was noticeably in a bad mood. She said she had just been doing her and her sister's laundry all day and just had dinner and said she hasnt been feeling to good today. I asked her calmly and supportively if she would like to talk about it and she said not yet, but asked if she could call me later. I said yes that'd be okay. well she never called and i didn't hear from her the next day despite me messaging her and letter her know that i was there for her and thinking about her. She has asked for space before but usually says "hey im need to take some space to think about my own things." this time she just went kinda cold. After 48 hours I just messaged and said "Hey i hope you know im here for you. Im really confused about how you're feeling and if you are going through anything. If you need space I'll give it to you but i'd like to talk to you"

I want to be supportive and accept her feelings but i don't want to enable this treatment toward me or push her to talk because i've learned that pushing for interaction pushes them away.

My girlfriend constantly needs validation and is always worried i will abandon her, and consistently thinks I don't love her or that it's my fault that she doesn't feel loved, even though i go above and beyond to make her feel loved and supported.

Where should I go from here? should I just wait it out no matter how long it takes or should i make an ultimatum? Her lack of communication is really distressing me and feels punishing and brutal. i know it's only been two days, and i've read about how it can go on for weeks or months. but we are long distance so we aren't living together or seeing each other very regularly.

Any suggestions on what to do?
or what to remember so I won't feel hurt, frustrated, or angry?

Thanks friends.

It sounds like she's going their through a down episode. Does she also suffer from depression? Reaching out is good to let her know that you are there,  but I'd back of from any statements about you.  Keep it brief to let her know you are still there.  :)rop the verbiage about you.  Like,  "hi, how are you doing?" Keep it about her,  and she might be likely to respond.  Provide no targets other than you are thinking about her.  The goal is to start a conversation. She's cut you off, and that's painful, I know.
 If she engages after that,  then you can work the validation tools.  See Lesson 3 at the top of this board.  

T