BPDFamily.com

I’m new to the website and recently posted an intro to my situation. I’m posting a new message because my family and I had a major issue with my BPD brother a few days ago. I will provide some background to start. 

My brother is facing domestic violence charges against his ex girlfriend. When he was first charged in early 2017, the only bail condition my brother had was to have no contact with his ex. The problem is they both say they want to be together and they keep getting caught together by police. Now, my brother is facing multiple charges (mainly for breaching his bail conditions) and is under house arrest.

My brother recognizes there’s something wrong, and when he’s calm he knows his relationship with his ex is unhealthy. But when he gets into a rage, all he wants to do is be with her. He thinks he can’t live without her. When he’s angry he threatens self harm and becomes verbally abusive. He sees his family doctor but has been reluctant to seek counseling.

A few days  ago, things really escalated. My brother was at my mom’s home with my mom and her boyfriend. He flew into a rage and became violent. He destroyed property and attacked my mom’s boyfriend. Eventually police arrived, and my brother was able to calm himself. My mom’s boyfriend told the police what happened but my mom minimized things. She was afraid my brother would get sent to jail. While this was all happening, my father and I were on the phone with police trying to explain my brother is severely mentally ill and needs to be taken to the hospital. However, the officers said they couldn’t take him because they didn’t see him act out. They just made my brother leave, and my mom drove him to his own home.

My family and I have major concerns for my brother’s safety and the safety of others. But I’m afraid that if I call police again they’ll just send him to jail. Since starting medication he’s shown improvement, so I believe he needs to be hospitalized. I think things are escalating because my parents are standing by the boundaries they’ve set. The most we legally can do is try to get a court order for him to be held in hospital involuntarily, but the longest they can hold him is 72 hours unless they have reason to keep him longer.

Does anyone have experience getting a court order or forming someone to keep them in hospital for the 72 hours (in Ontario, Canada)? And has anyone had their loved-one held in an Ontario hospital for longer? If so, would you feel comfortable sharing the process you went through to have your loved-one kept in hospital?  Ideally we’d like him to remain in hospital to get treatment, but when he’s not in a rage my brother behaves in a friendly and charming way. He can deceive people easily and make them think he’s fine. The laws in Ontario are quite strict when it comes to holding people in hospital (for good reason), but we desperately need my brother to get treated and he won’t see a doctor voluntarily right now.

Hi Evie313,

It's brave of your family to enforce boundaries -- I know that can be very hard to do. And I'm so sorry for the suffering that your brother is experiencing, making things hard for his family and loved ones.

I'm not familiar with laws in Ontario, but it sounds like you have already contacted a health lawyer? If not, there may be things you can do in advance of a bad act to help make the case he needs psychiatric care, not jail time.

Sometimes there are specific things to ask for that lawyers know about, that aren't necessarily obvious to us, and won't be easy to discover online.

You may have already done this. I only mention it because I did a lot of online searching prior to my divorce, and felt well prepared. Then I met with a lawyer and all kinds of things were made clear, and from there I could develop a strategy that eventually worked.

 I want to second what LnL said about doing research. Have you looked at the  Ontario Mental Health Act?

I too am unfamiliar with the laws in Canada, but from just a quick look online it looks like you might be able to make application with the justice of the peace.

It's always good to talk to a lawyer and make sure that you understand the laws in play and how it all works.