BPDFamily.com

Hello, I am new here. I found this forum while looking for help and information about BPD. My 17 year old son was diagnosed with BPD and Schizophrenia last year after a 3 year struggle to find out what was going on with him. It has been a roller coaster since the start. Going to different psychologists and therapists, two hospitalizations and then finally the diagnosis, which fits him to the letter. He has self harmed and talks about not wanting to live anymore. I homeschooled him for 2 years; I was spending a lot of time in school and picking him up constantly when he would shut down. He is back in school now since September 2017 after we went through the process of "Special Education" status. This has helped tremendously. Still it is a constant struggle to get him to go to school in the mornings.
I get so terribly frustrated with him sometimes. He is smart, handsome, and such a lovable young man; just he can not see it himself. I often ask myself, where did we go wrong raising him? Why does he feel the way he does? It has been hard. I do not tell him how bad I sometimes feel and I just want to throw in the towel. I know that would make him feel even worse. I live in constant fear of him committing suicide. I feel like I have failed him and I do not know what to do in order to make him feel better.
I could probably write a million things more. This is my first time sharing mine and his struggles.

Hi there, three years must feel like a lifetime.  It really is amazing, that while our BPD children have so many traits that make them loveable wonderful people, they also have a very dark side that is all consuming and very frightening at times.

While my DD27 does not self harm, I can only imagine how difficult that must be for you. 

I am new to this site and I also have wondered where I have gone wrong but coming here and reading other's stories is helping in pushing some of those thoughts aside.  It's also helping me to reflect on always having been a rescuer, and how I can learn to step back and reassess.

I hope you are travelling ok, take care

Merlot

Hi Loki18,

*welcome*

I’d like to join Merlot and welcome you to the site. I’m glad that you’ve found us there is hope. Many members here can relate with you and offer you guidance and support you’re not alone.

Go easy on yourself and yourself the same compassion that you have your son. BPD is not your fault the causes can be environmental, genetics or a traumatic event.

Read as much as you can about the disorder if will help you with normalizing the disorder and depersonalizing the behaviours. Merlot mentioned different traits.

I can understand feeling worried about your son harming himself not all pwBPD self harm. BPD is a spectrum disorder and not two people are alike.

Do you get help at home? Do you have a family member or friend that’s supportive? You said you got help for your son, have you sought a therapist?

Supporting a Child in Therapy for Borderline Personality Disorder (https://bpdfamily.com/content/support-child-therapy)