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Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+) => Romantic Relationship | Bettering a Relationship or Reversing a Breakup => Topic started by: lighthouse9 on February 03, 2018, 08:38:30 PM



Title: Opposite of hoarding: BPD and excessive minimalism?
Post by: lighthouse9 on February 03, 2018, 08:38:30 PM
I'm curious- I've heard of hoarding and BPD going together, but what about the opposite? What about a kind of excessive  minimalism?

I'm curious because when my wife moved out, she took close to nothing and put so many of her possessions in the donation pile. Was it the sentimentality that was too hard to bear?

I've read that excessive minimalism can be an OCD thing. Is it similar with BPD, a need to control or soothe by purging?

Just curious if anyone has come across this before.


Title: Re: Opposite of hoarding: BPD and excessive minimalism?
Post by: Lakebreeze on February 04, 2018, 02:32:04 AM
Hi there!
I have noticed that my uBPDhusband has a interesting relationship with "stuff." If he wants to clean out a closet or a shed he will impulsively throw everything in the garbage. And then go out the next day to replace stuff he threw away and now needs. I don't think it stems from minimalist thinking, more from being very impulsive. Because he also swings to the other extreme. He doesn't want to get rid of say, a happy meal toy. It's like the broken piece of plastic IS the memory of him being a good dad and spending time with the kids. I once had a pile of pictures, duplicates, blurry, to me there was no reason to keep them but it was definitely an emotional trigger for him. For him, without a picture or video or object there is no memory.
It might be sort of similar then, your wife throwing everything away as an impulsive way to rid herself of memories.


Title: Re: Opposite of hoarding: BPD and excessive minimalism?
Post by: pearlsw on February 04, 2018, 02:40:48 AM
hi lighthouse9 and Lakebreeze,

Wow. This has caused to me look at his impulsivity issues in new ways. He tosses stuff in a way that is really unsettling for me - with that same urgency and impulsivity I see elsewhere. Granted I am nervous to get rid of things I might need and I do like to save certain scraps for making art... .at some point... .But wow. Thanks for bringing out this fine point!

Please keep posting!

sincerely, pearl.


Title: Re: Opposite of hoarding: BPD and excessive minimalism?
Post by: Ble55ed on February 05, 2018, 06:52:21 AM
This is so interesting, Lighthouse9!

Our house is cluttered, as I tend toward hoarding for sentimental and cheapness reasons. Most of the time my BPD husband also hoards "his" stuff -- dozens of T-shirts, shelves of technical books, collections that reside in boxes and are never out to enjoy, boxes of everyday items (i.e. broken dishes, old calendars) that once belonged to his deceased parents, etc. However, he constantly complains about the clutter in our house and states that he would prefer to live in a minimalist house. His BPD mom kept a home with very minimalist decor and saved very little of sentimental value. Instead of joining me in an effort to sort through and discard all but the most important items, he either ignores the clutter, or goes on a "cleaning binge." He, too, throws away things we still use and then we have to buy replacements. Interestingly, he also really resists giving his stuff away. His tendency is to throw perfectly good items in the dumpster, rather than give it to a charity. Although he professes to want to help the less fortunate, it's a struggle to convince him that we should donate the reusable things. Usually no reason is given, just "It's my stuff, and I can do what I want with it."