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Title: He can't control any of his behaviors Post by: Mrb87 on February 05, 2018, 09:03:05 AM Update red-flag
So Saturday night I get a text BPD: soo how do u feel about getting me a early birthday present? *his birthday is in JULY* Me: birthday present? BPD: can u buy me a excursion for my trip to Hawaii for my early present? Me: so I say the only thing I can do for u on ur birthday is take u out to eat. Remember the rule u made. BPD: yea I know. It was worth a shot. Who would get me a bday gift if I asked? Me: ew don't be a user. BPD: I'm glad u told me not to be a user . BPD: Me: don't use ppl Back story: the reason we can't buy each other gifts is because of him. I would buy him things and receive nothing back in return and I notice he just kept asking and asking. And taking and taking. Some things would be items to help spice up the relationship and others would be birthday gifts and other things. The things I got to help spice up the relationship would never be seen again after I got them for him. Later on I found out he was using them with the people he cheated on me with and never with me. Other items he wants he would also do the same. When I found out this was happening I took everything I ever give him back. He couldn't ask me for anything back because he never give me anything . Very sad. So he says I'm gonna fix the issue " don't give me anything ever again and we'll just take each other out to eat instead of giving gifts that u take back" I respond wth " this is another thing we can't do in this relationship. Your breaking it down to nothing" so now we don't give gifts because of that rule. I don't ask for anything but he continues to ask me him to buy him things then get upset when I don't or tries to use a manipulating technique to make me think he will cheat again only to get what he wants by saying " who can I get to buy me something for my birthday ". I guess he doesn't realize I've caught on to his BPD ways and I've been doing me reading I'm venting but I would like to hear what u guys think of this Title: Re: He can't control any of his behaviors Post by: Mutt on February 07, 2018, 06:37:08 PM Hi Mrb87,
*welcome* I think that you did god by defending your boundaries with the rule that you have |iiii Has he asked you for something in the past and you said no onmy to eventually cave in? A owBPD will test your boundaries and many of us had no boundaries or floating boundaries. If he asks you ten times for example and you agree then he knows that it’s going to take that many times until he gets what he wants. The key is to keep defending your boundaries. I also understand how uncomfortable the guilty feelings that a pwBPD elicit from the non. It’s Guilt in FOG I suggest to depersonalize the behaviour and don’t feel guilty because your owBPD is making huge demands. Emotional Blackmail: Fear, Obligation and Guilt (FOG) (https://bpdfamily.com/content/emotional-blackmail-fear-obligation-and-guilt-fog) Title: Re: He can't control any of his behaviors Post by: Mrb87 on February 08, 2018, 01:18:26 PM Earlier in the relationship before I know what the disorder was I use to cave in. He would throw tantrums that would destroy fun moments. But know I recognize it His problem and if he himself can't work it out for himself. I'm not helping him with it.
Title: Re: He can't control any of his behaviors Post by: Lucky Jim on February 08, 2018, 03:14:22 PM Excerpt Earlier in the relationship before I know what the disorder was I use to cave in. He would throw tantrums that would destroy fun moments. But know I recognize it His problem and if he himself can't work it out for himself. I'm not helping him with it. That sounds like a healthy approach, Mrb87. Agree w/Mutt: beware of F-O-G. LJ |