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Title: just been brought up to speed by my gf's parents. Post by: in4thelonghaul on February 05, 2018, 09:30:02 AM I have just been brought up to speed by my gf's parents about my gf of 6 months. They told me about her being BPD and of course I doubted it until I read and article about it. Her history, her behavior, her actions, her medications all point in the BPD direction. Quite frankly, they are spot on. From what I am reading, it seems I have acquired the caregiver role to an extent. I have no intentions of ending this relationship, because I believe I have seen the best in her. I am very much in love with her and am looking for advice to continue our relationship building as long as her personal growth. I have witnessed her admitting that some moods/feelings were because of her insecurities about herself, which leads me to believe she is coming aware of her condition to a point. I have no doubt this is going to be a roller coaster ride. Her parents, who did have the caretaker roll now seem to be the focus of the negativity. Where to go from here?
Title: Re: Surprised Post by: Tattered Heart on February 05, 2018, 10:50:19 AM Hi in4thelonghaul,
Welcome *welcome* YOu've found a great place for support and communication. I think it's possible to have a normal relationship with someone with BPD but it takes a lot of hard work. It will be important to make sure that you learn to validate, show empathy, help her with her emotions and tasks that she is unable to do without enabling her, and most importantly, take care of your own emotional needs. Is there an area that you think needs more work than others within yourself to keep the relationship healthy? Title: Re: Surprised Post by: RolandOfEld on February 06, 2018, 01:26:41 AM Hi in4thelonghaul, kudos to you for coming here to increase your knowledge as you navigate your relationship.
How did the issue of your gf's BPD come up with her parents? Has she ever received a diagnosis and if so have her parents communicated with her about BPD? I would echo Tattered Heart that helping without enabling and taking care of your emotional needs should be forefront. And since you are aware of the BPD diagnosis still early in the relationship, you are in a good position to start setting boundaries on behavior that might make you uncomfortable or that you feel isn't right. For those of us like me already 10 years into a relationship, this can be much harder, so you've got a good head start! In the meantime, I strongly encourage you to explore all the resources on the board. Besides reading and participating in other posts to gain context, the skills section is packed with useful workshops to help you explore not only how to be with someone with BPD but also develop new life skills. I came here to find a way to get my wife into therapy and instead found an entirely new way of looking at the world. ROE |