BPDFamily.com

Hello All,

I hope everyone had a good weekend. smiley.  I have been seeing a guy who I’m positive has BPD- he displays A lot of the signs.   He used to act so attached to me, cried once when he thought I may stop dating him.  I’ve never seen a man cry like that before over a dating situation... .!    Fast forward 7 or so months, it’s been like an up and down roller coaster.  He used to act like he liked me aLoT- then he started being distant... .he would still want to spend lots of time with me, his daughter and my daughter Too.  If we were Alone, he wanted to spend lots of time with me as well.  
Now, we got pregnant unexpectedly!   It was a total surprise and Shock for Both Of Us.  At first he really freaked out and was Really Mean to me.   He kept saying he is “only here for the baby” and “his heart is not in this”- meaning, with me.

And the last week and a half, he has suddenly been really sweet with me- taking me out to the movies, he made me dinner tonight at his place, but he told me that we are “just friends”.   He still however tries to get me to sleep with him when we are alone most of the time.   And I’ve caught him staring at me Many Many Times.   I once even woke up at night (I was half asleep, but something made me open my Eyes) , and I cAught Him Staring at Me in my SLEEP!
So, last night he texted me saying he “wants us to be really good friends” and that he is here for me and the baby... .I didn’t reply, and he calls me about 45 minutes later and says he wants to tell us (and my daughter) Goodnight.  He hasn’t done that since we first started seeing each other.   He made me dinner last night n asked me to stop by his place to have dinner w him.  His sudden drastic change in attitude has Me very confused?  
And, does he like me romantically or Not? He also has acted kind of jealous w me in the past.  And the Staring, crying, but yet, he claims he only wants me as a friend?  I have a hard time believing that. But if it’s true, that’s fine too.  I just want to Understand wHAT is going on in his Mind- Why all the mixed signals, etc?       Any help is greatly appreciated, Thank you, Confused

Sounds like rather than breaking things off completely he just wants to downgrade the relationship to FWB. What type of relationship do want to have with him?

Hello, thanks for your response.  I wouldn’t want to be a friend with benefits with anyone, to be honest, especially not since I’m pregnant with his child.

I didnt know if this behavior stemmed from BPD- especially with the crying, when he begged me not to leave him.   And he had another crying episode just this past Sunday... .he got all emotional and cried and I asked him if he needed space, and I left.  Then he texted me asking me to come back, and he apologized for him “having a meltdown”... .sometimes I think he likes me, but he is afraid to get close to me.  I just don’t understand his behavior.  It is so back and forth. 

Do you think he just has No interest in me romantically?  But then, what about the crying, and staring at me, etc.?  I’ve never known a man to do that with a woman he sees as only a “FWB”.  That usually means a guy likes you, at least, I think so ... .!
Any advice is really appreciated!

Thank you,  Confused 1017

Fwb can occur for a lot reasons under countless different circumstances. Usually the common denominator is that one or both of the parties want to hang out with each other and be romantically involved but aren't 100% available for a committed relationship for whatever reason.  I did fwb quite a bit in grad school because I just simply wasn't available emotionally due to the rigorous academic demands of my program. One of those fwb relationships did evolve into a committed relationshp though. Can't say that would happen in your case.