BPDFamily.com

Hi all,

Before I start, I remember a bord section on personal growth. I can't find it as I remember. If it is somwhere pls. mods move it.

Well he died, unnecessary in five days, after admitted to a hospital. Man of good health, no drugs, strong body, never liked doctors, my husband with borderline, 15 years together dead in seconds, 43 years.

I would have never left. We, he and me had great progress, with Ayahuasca and vipassana mostly and therapy when available. Had it not been the case I am not sure if I would survive this loss.

And now it's time for me to face my own demons. I am going to Lacanian psychoanalysis, four times a week, for months now.

As I can see, since now it's all about me, I see myself as troubled as he was. Of course, who "normal" would be living the hell for 15 years of emotional abuse.

I am just not sure if people actually know the how dangerous this mix is.

I though he would die if I would have left. And he would have, but he did even on "my watch".

What felt hard is when I got an e mail to participate more on the boards.

I would love to be of help, but now looking back, I don't think it was a relationship, it was unqualified care that was killing me.

What can I say to anybody? Even if he were alive, and I have had analysis, what would I say? I would prefer to say run away... .

Would have I done it? Now
Would I know how? Now

Do I know how much sick I am to have been part of this, now I know.

It takes two to tango, the sexiest dance of a couple dances, and now what is left? It was not sexy, it was not a dance, we were not together.

- now I have freedom?, I have long way to go... .

So I have non advise to give, no encouragement,

Best to all of you
I wish I could be of more help, now I don't see it.
Jox

I'm sorry for your loss, Jox.

I encourage you to keep on posting when you need to get things out.

We're all here for you.

Hi Jox,

I’m sorry for your loss. The personal inventory board was renamed to this board learning after a failed r/s. Hang in there.

This is a shock... .how did he die unnecessarily?

Don't worry about supporting others... .how can we support you?

T

Hi Jox,

I am so sorry to hear of this. I can only imagine the depth of your grief. Would be glad to hear more if you would like to share.

So sorry for your loss!

with compassion, pearl.

Jox, I'm so sorry. 

Please keep posting. We're here for you.

heartandwhole

It's a heart breaking note... .I am so sorry for your loss.

This is the old self-awareness board, you are in the right place.

What happened in the hospital?

Jox, I am so sorry that this has happened. 

I know you've got a lot on your mind right now.  Please let us know if there's anything we can do to support you.


-Speck