BPDFamily.com

Hi BPD fam  

I'm 1 week 1 day out from breaking away from my BPDexgf. I found out she is out with many guys, and also already has a "commited relationship" with a prisoner in a halfway house.
Honestly I'm feeling quite low. Like still in love low. Wth .
She lied, cheated , physically assaulted me , and in the end would go on for hours about little things I had done that hurt her. Never able to admit her huge mistakes and constantly lieing. Taking off and getting drunk and high. Hiding her car at her ex's. Going out with other dudes.  I would leave and sleep in my vehicle whenever she would start her rants. Often just in our driveway. Hoping she wohld calm down. Bit mostly id be woken up to her smashing her fist on my windows... .Raging. She just became negative so often.
Why am I missing her and feeling so low? Lol .
Help me get through this?

Hi The Truth,

*welcome*

I’m sorry to hear that. That’s a difficult situuation are you safe? You care for her and you can’t turn your heart on and off like a light switch. It takes time to detach and heal it’s normal to miss her.

Thank you Mutt.
I am physically safe. Mentally exhausted.

You can still miss someone while you’re in communication. Do either of you text each other in the last week? Whatsapp? Is she directing her anger your way?

We sent a bunch of texts . Most of hers were threatening, and talking about all the love she's getting. Her new man. Then one about jer first counsellimg session. I tried to call her one night. I also went to our house to get some things and talk. I dumped some empty bottles on the floor to use a bag for some of my clothes. She wasnt there She sent me a bunch of nasty texts while I was sleeping. I went to talk to her the next day and tried to explain how I was feeling and asked for some closure. I think she misinterpreted. We were engaged up until 8 days ago. Its been crazy for months though  How do you communicate properly?

A pwBPD grieve differently then a non it gets redirected with anger and acting out. That has to be hard to listen to. Communication is going to be difficult for awhile are you done with the r/s? Do you have things that you need to sort with here? Did you lease a place together, do you have to get a pet back?

We have a lease , I have half of my things there still. I'm starting to feel like I want her back and to help her. Now I think I understand. I was the one to break it off because it was driving me crazy. At first I felt relief. Now I feel regret , sad and empathy. I really don't know what to do.

Why am I missing her and feeling so low?

It's a good question that gets asked here a lot.

I think dreams die hard. Typically BPD relationships start off idyllically, then deteriorate  fairly quickly. We keep trying to keep it together so as to get back to the honeymoon/fairy tale, only we keep losing ground to this dream. Then at a certain point the book gets closed on the dream, and then there's just life as we know it.

More than likely you are missing the potential you saw in being with the person you thought you had met, and not the actual person as she has been toward you lately. Unfortunately, she turned out to be a whole different person than you had bargained for, and that just stinks.

Hang in there. It'll get better.

J

I like what Jeffree said about dreams. I suggest to self protect and watch out for your needs and not hers. What do you think about minimal contact? It’s going to speed up your recovery brother.

Sounds good. Ill give it a shot. Really appreciate the motivation guys.

I have learned, it was a non-sensicle experience, and recovery will be the same, trying to make some sense of what has happened.
It's not a linear process getting involved with a person with BPD, and it sure as hell isn't going to be the same getting over one.
I accept everything I feel, and take comfort in the fact, it's my brains way, of coping, kind of takes the stress out of it all, and gives the old grey matter a break.
Today, I feel I have made no progress, but it happens like that, I am still moving forward.