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Title: having difficulty moving past a close friendship which only lasted months Post by: douped on February 12, 2018, 11:19:09 AM I was asked to help someone in a 12 step program. they were suicidal and had been abusing alcohol. they have a long history of lying a lot. we worked together for months. it was intense and we seemed very connected. next thing I knew they left and couldn't tell me why. I was cut off completely . they called to say they would look for someone else. now usually if someone fires me , i'm fine with that. but this really hurt me deeply because I felt things had worked well between us. now the weird thing is they've never called at all and acted so angry with me. I couldn't understand why. everytime we saw each other they would treat me like an enemy. then one day they acted all nice after all this acting mean. that freaked me out and I felt I needed to get away. I avoid being where this person is now. then after a couple of months of me avoiding, they started showing up at the new places I go. luckily I wasn't at those places on the first day of that. a friend told me so I changed where I went again. they kept coming where they thought i'd be for weeks and weeks. what is this? does this sound like BPD? thank you
Title: Re: having difficulty moving past a close friendship which only lasted months Post by: Tattered Heart on February 14, 2018, 10:17:42 AM Hi douped,
We are not medical professionals here so it would be impossible for us to diagnose. What is important though is how the situation made you feel. If it seemed odd or inappropriate that this person showed up, then handling your own response to that person can help you feel more in control of what happens to you. Are you wanting to continue a friendship with this person or are you trying to find a way to remove yourself from the friendship? Title: Re: having difficulty moving past a close friendship which only lasted months Post by: douped on February 14, 2018, 10:59:34 AM My response has been to change where I go again. Avoidance. This has worked well so far. I don't want to continue any kind of friendship at this point as the behavior I was encountering was so changeable and very odd. It didn't make sense to me and I'd never before encountered it. I wish them well and hope they find the help they need. I really don't feel any desire to be treated poorly at this point in my life. The only reason the topic of BPD came up was an old friend of mine who was a counselor for years and had a lot of experiences with the disorder told me the person sounded like someone with BPD. I've been learning more about it and find they did have many of the behaviors and traits. Of course many illnesses overlap. The person showing up at the places I started going before was very odd for them as they had never before been to those places. They never saw me there as a friend alerted me to their presence knowing I felt the need to distance myself. After weeks of my not being there they stopped going. Thank you for replying to my post.
Title: Re: having difficulty moving past a close friendship which only lasted months Post by: Tattered Heart on February 14, 2018, 11:54:52 AM That would be an eerie feeling. If it starts again, be sure to write down that information just in case. I'm going to move your thread to the Detaching Board. This board may better be able to help you find ways to work through some of the issues that come from ending a friendship.
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