BPDFamily.com

Hello,

I have been dating a girl, off and on (many times) for almost 3 years now.  She is beautiful, fit with passion and motivation.  She does the sweetest things for so many.  She's amazing to my children and she has a good career.  Then, nearly once a month on average, something happens.  Some phrase or comment or situation... .Could be someone liking my picture on Facebook, my ex messaging about the kids.  The most insignificant, strange things and suddenly all hell breaks loose.  I am 41 and I have never seen anything like this.  I am the love of her life and she is mad about me but then I'm the scum of the earth.  The things she says to me are so beyond mean.  The reaction doesn't match the issue which usually is not even an issue, I have no idea where she gets her ideas from.  I feel like I'm in the twighlight zone.  I get accused of cheating, wanting my exes, wanting female friends.  She keeps tabs on them, she's even created fake Facebook accounts to do this.  She lies and makes up stories to victimize herself.  Before I know what happened she will be accusing me of cheating then she will say that some girls contacted her just that week about my cheating ways and that happens every time, it's like a script she follows in her head.  If I slept with as many women as she's accused me of, it would be a record.  Guess I'm saying that it makes no sense, there is no logic to it.  I tell her every day that I love her and how beautiful and sexy she is. We have great intimacy... .But it's never enough.  These episodes are crazy.  So I end up breaking it off because it gets so bad.  Then, she sucks me back in with her amazing behavoir.  80% off the time, she is the best thing that ever happened to me and then boom... .She HATES me. For things I'm not doing.  I have tried to adjust, got rid of Facebook, I don't talk to my kids mom anymore... .But, she finds things.

I bought the book called Walking on Eggshells after my research makes me feel she has this issue.  She has not been diagnosed, so I need to be careful but it's so strange and seems to match EXACTLY with what I deal with.  I have brought it up and ofcorase it's me.  She will ignore her own behaviour, all she wants to do is talk about what she thinks I've done to her. Most frustrating thing I have EVER been through.  So she won't get help, she has no idea. I'm the sociopath, I'm the Borderline... .I'm the monster and shadiest person she's ever met until the episode clears.

We met when she was getting out of a bad marriage.  I have stuck through all of this, despite my friends and families protest, hoping she was having issues from her marriage but now it just feels like more.  

I don't know what to do. I want this amazing person but I don't want to be verbally and emotionally abused every month for the rest of my life.

This girl has threatened to call the police on me, for no reason.  Why can't I let go! I'm an idiot maybe... .I used to be stronger.

Hi Storm23,

Your story echoes with a lot of members here... .Glad you found us! It is tough when the other person has no self-awareness or willingness to change. .Have you read much here yet? There are some strategies you can try to make things better, ways to set boundaries for yourself so you don't lose too much of yourself in the process.

I relate strongly to what you say about excusing or minimizing some of these issues early on. What do you want to do at this point? Do you see a way forward?

warmly, pearl.

Hey, Storm23 *welcome*

You are not an idiot, unless all of us are.

I'm one of those whose story echoes with yours, as pearlsw said. Take a deep breath and let the journey begin.

To improve the situation, you need to have a lot of patient and become an expert on the tools explained in this place. You'll find things to do, and things you need to stop doing.

As you have realized by now, changing your behavior to satisfy her irrational thoughts, it doesn't work. First you don't care (I can live without facebook, I don't need to talk to my ex that much... .) but then one day you realize you've changed all your life, when you were doing nothing wrong to begin with.

Jealousy seems to be in the center of your problem. Take a look at this:

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=78324.0

I hope some of it is very useful to you.

My GF tells me, when regulated, that her jealousy is just paranoia, she can't help it, but she knows it's not rational, not founded. It gives me some peace, but not much, as she will still acuse me, and comment, and think and suffer about my supposed cheating.

Treating paranoia is above our paygrade. But we can make the arguments and the conflicts shorter and milder. And that's what you need to learn here, and that will bring you some deserved peace.

Thanks for sharing your story, and let's work together towards a better future.

Hi Storm23,

Welcome *welcome*,

You sound exasperated in your post. I can imagine the ups and downs are quite hectic. Many of us have been there.

When she accuses you of cheating, what is your usual response to these accusations?

Can you tell us more about her threatening to call the police on you?